It's You vs Can't, You vs Excuses, You vs. the Odds--Let's see what You've Got

I Finally figured it out.

2012-02-13T10:52:00.000-08:00

At the risk of sounding like an Oprah groupie, I had an "Aha Moment" the other day.

Have you ever wondered, "W hy am I doing this? or Why did I bother? What is my point? This is a waste of time. Or money. Or energy." Or... you fill in the blank.

I'd like to keep this post short and simple and I'm going to do my best to avoid getting too detailed with the personal side of it all.

A long long time ago, I graduated from College. I took a few years, explored the country, lived on the other coast and then, dived head first into Graduate School in Boston.

I worked very hard. I studied and studied. Tuition, books, and rent were of course, expensive. Finally, I graduated. I passed my State Licensing exam. I passed the National Boards and I completed all my internship hours. I had my degrees and all the little letters after my name to proove I was ready to jump into the work force.

So that's what I did.

Meanwhile, Mark and I were dating. For years. Then, we got married. Next, baby boy # 1 was born. Twelve short weeks later, I went back to work.
And I was missssserable. Miserable. Sad. Distracted. I was not where I wanted to be. My life had changed. I had no idea before he was born that I would feel that way. After all, I wanted this job. I wanted to work. I found it satisfying and interesting and intellectually stimulating. I enjoyed working! I had loved school and then I loved my job.
And yet, I loved this baby much much much more. As we all do. I just didn't realize before he was born that my brain would not allow me to shift back into that old job when I left him each day.
This is all off topic.
The point is, when baby boy #2 was on his way, I resigned. I left. A big huge life changing decision was made and I have never looked back.
Soon thereafter, we were holding baby boy #3.

I have never once regretted leaving my work to stay home with these boys. It has worked for us. It has worked for me. And it has worked for the kids. This type of decision is personal and I do believe there is not a clearly defined right or wrong. It's just personal. For me, this was just right.

However.....all that work. And time. And money. And knowledge. For what? I'd lie if I said there wasn't a little bit of guilt.

Twelve years later, and I am still certified. I still pay my dues. I study different topics annually. I go to conferences and read articles online. I take tests. I wonder.... will I ever? Will I ever return? Who knows. It is not on my radar right now, that I know.

After all, so so much has changed. I know have 3 boys. No longer babies needing to be held, they are boys who need constant guidance and attention. I find this age to be much more challenging than their wee little years.

I have also changed professions. I followed my true passion and skill and became a coach. I feel more than solid in this decision as well. My life has been about sport and competition and health and fitness. This is where I belong. It is who I am.

My Aha Moment? Are you wondering?

Well.... baby boy #3 was born in a much too exciting way. I alwasy tell him that he and I had a little angel looking out for us the day he was born. She convinced me not to reschedule a check up that I almost walked out on. Twenty five minutes later, after being rushed to the OR for an emergency C section, my preemie baby with the Heartrate of 50bpm was born.
Two weeks later, we left the NICU.
Wondering... would he always be ok?
Only time would tell.

My baby has grown up beautifully. He's almost 8 and smart as a whip. However, there are struggles that we haven't seen before. Things are beginning to emerge. After all these years, the words, "he was a preemie, he was born emergently" are finally becoming relevant and explanatory.

Sitting in a conference on Friday, bored, there only to obtain the critical CEUs necessary to maintain my unused license, I found myself with tears welling in my eyes.

It all became clear. He is why. My baby is why I am here. I hadn't made the connection when I registered for the course. At the time it was just 6 credits offered at the rigth time of the year. But as I sat listening to our instructor and reading the pages of handouts, it became clear.

If you believe in things like this. I have never known if I did or not. But maybe now I do. All these years and I keep studying and learning. Every year I wonder, "why am I still doing this? Will I ever really go back? I have my new job and it's made for me. My children are bigger but we have many years left before they move away and I intend to be rigth here."

I sat in class on Friday feeling excited and in a way, newly important. I spend a lot of days feeling unappreciated and ineffective. But now I know.... I can help him!!!! The struggles my little guy is having are things that I have been taught how to fix! THIS IS WHY!

I got home late that evening and hugged my guys feeling even luckier than before for the life I have.

There's a 2nd Time for Everything... Right? Sometimes. Race Report #2 of 2012. Or is it #1?

2012-02-09T08:28:00.000-08:00

Isn't my title fun?? I spent time ( something that I don't have enough of, like most of us) writing my detailed ( too detailed?) race report on Tuesday. By that evening, it was gone. GONE! My title was there, but no body. What IS that?? Where did it go? Who took it??? I searched and searched and hit "Undo" 200x to no avail.
Deep breath.
Yes, I am going to write it again. I wish I had a fancy machine that allowed me to think the words and it would magically appear on the paper. Ok, screen. I grew up with a pen in my hand. Yes, I am that old. haha
Until I race. And then I fight that age thing So hard it makes my head spin every time.
So here goes!!
As if it never even happened.
________________________________________________________-

Sunday was the Cape 10 miler!!! That is my name for it because somewhere in my head I think that is what it used to be called. Mom? Is that right? My Mom and I used to run this race together waaaaaaaay back when only 50-100 people ran in it. That number may even be too high. It was small anyway. I was maybe in my late teens? Early 20s? I can't remember but I do have photos that document my Less than svelte, sleek, fashionable running style of today. ( oh you just Wait to see my 2012 ensemble.) Back then I proudly donned my oversized gray Champion Cape Swimming Sweatshirt to toe the line! You know those huge sweatshirts we all wore that weighed 10lbs but made us feel so cool because we were on the swim team. That is what I wore one year. Unreal.

My point is, I've been running this race on and off for many many years. I have fond memories of it and since it's my hometown, I love it even more. Also, so so many great friends show up to run this race. I live up in the woods a bit so I do not see many of my Tri friends at all this time of year. For some reason, nearly all of us love to run this race if possible. It's a great way to kick off the year. It definately wakes you up so to speak and makes sure you're paying attention to your training!!! This year, I even had 2 athletes running the race! ( They kicked butt big time, by the way!) To make it even more fun, a handful of my best friends that were unable to race due to injury and a few other reasons, but they showed up to cheer us on!! It's a blast. And, I have great friends. Since this race is in 's in the middle of winter ( hence the race's proper name: Maine Track Club MidWinter Classic), the weather is totally schizophrenic. It could be freezing cold, windy, 40s and sun, snowing , sleeting, raining, or 55 and calm. You name it, we've seen it. That's how Maine is. I remember running in 2005 side by side with my brother Jeff. I had a 9 mo baby and 2 toddlers at home. The two of us ran in some kind of sleeting, freezing, snowy, messy, cold, windy mix and managed a 1:15!! We were pscyhed!

But now....... Flash forward to 2012.... I was aiming to break 1:10. Why certain times become a road block, I don't know. But breaking 70 min for this 10 mile race has become a time to beat. My PR heading into Sunday was 1:10:06. So close. But it was 2008. A LOT has happened since then.
--------------------------

Sunday's race was a bit different than any other race, for one reason.

See those two???
Yes, the two dorks!! The guy with the XC ski earmuffs and the girl tagging along with him wearing, um, a few colors? ( Ok, I admit, I'm grasping to make fun of Mark but still....up close the earmuffs are silly.)

I ran this race WITH my husband. I mean WITH him with him. The ENTIRE 10 miles!!!!
We have started many-a-race together but never, ever ever have we stayed together. Sometimes I lost him and other times he's smoked me, and occasionally we just split up on purpose because, well, you know. Sometimes one of us just had to move away.

Not this time. We had a plan.

Originally, I told Mark I was going to use him for my wind shield. Coach Kurt advised me to sneak behind a group to protect myself from the winds. I immediately knew I had the perfect guy for that!! my big tall husband would be just right!! Making dinner one night, I jokingly told him my plan. "Hey babe, I'm going to sneak behind you and draft until mile 7 at which point you will be dead and I'll blow by you for the last 3 miles." (Nice huh?) I was kidding. But Mark, in his typical manner of always trying to help me out agreed wholeheartedly. "Sounds good to me! You certainly deserve to run a lot faster than I do with all your training!!"
Um? Mark! No way. I was kidding with him ( sort of ) and at that point we decided to work it together.

So, the plan was similar to what I came up with except we did hope neither of us would die after mile 7.

Race time!

Mile 1 It's hard, oh so hard, for me NOT to take it out too fast. This has been my problem since I was very very wee. Mark and I are different atheletes. There is no question about that. He also has a new toy, his garmin. While I know very well I need to keep it in control those first few miles, he planned to put "money in the bank." We "argued" about this on the way there.
Result? Compromise. 6:38. Faster than I planned, slower than we often do on mile 1 at this race.

Mile 2 The fogginess of mile 1, before you even know you're running, wears off on mile 2. The mile starts with the up down up down up down of the "Spurwink Hills." These hills aren't too big or too steep. But they Are hills and hills are taxing on the body when trying to maintain a sub 7 pace. So I ran them cautiously. Small quick steps and....
On our drive in I reminisced about XC practice back in High School. My old coach, Paul Jackson (former coach of Joan Benoit Samuelson I must add-isn't that cool?), used to stand on the top of the hills yelling, among other things, "Use your arms!!!"
So, again, in true, Mark style he started talking to me. "Ange! Use your arms!"
I chuckled inside.
6:59

Speaking of arms.
Starting somewhere around .25 into this race, Mark and I first connected.
With our elbows.
He was running on the left and I was on his right.
We probably bumped into each other 3-4 x before we hit mile 3.

mile 3
I was beginning to get agitated. My body felt good. My breathing was under control. My legs were steady. I was fine.
But all of a sudden, without really knowing I was going to do it, I snapped, "STOP Hitting me!!!!" and then, in the same breath, "I"m sorry. It was me. My fault."
Was it? Maybe. Not sure! But I felt bad.
We just stepped apart one stride and ran on.
6:47

Mile 4
I was doing periodic 'system checks.' I was in control. I was definately working hard, but I was in total control and felt very good about our pace.
Our pace. Yup...still with Mark!!! We only run together for training every once in a long long while. I like my quiet time on the roads. I need to run my own pace. In addition, he is tall and I am short. And that equals big long 'boom....boom....boom" strides for him and quick "boomboomboom" strides for me. It throws me off sometimes.
But on Sunday, it was fine! I don't know why but I was determined NOT to let him get away from me.
In 2011 the race didn't happen. Too much snow and the town called it off for safety reasons.
In 2010 I didn't race. Stress fx in foot. He DID race and battled it out with some of our friends. He broke 1:10 that year.
So this day, I was down one. I had to try to keep up with him. So far, so good.

But one change was necessary. "Can I have the left?"
What?
"I need to move over..."
We switched sides. No more elbow bashing. My body was pulling to the side of the road. I hated being in the middle. This was much better.

6:48

Mile 5

The hills were creeping back into the race. You can't 'fake' a 10 miler race. It's not too far and yet it's also not short!! At mile 5, things get real. You've been running a while and you've been using a lot of energy. And yet, you're only half way there.
Time to turn on the focus. Keep the head in the game. Otherwise, you can kiss that PR goodbye.

I knew it was make or break time.

We hit the 5mile clock at 34:09. Perfect!

I felt good, Mark seemed fine and together we acknowledged quickly and quietly that we were right on pace.
6:48

Mile 5 in to mile 6 is a lot of climbing. Long gradual climbing. We kept our head down and kept going. The hills are fairly easy for us because live in the land of mountains. Seriously, my runs are extremely hilly at home. I'm lucky if I can run up some of them sub 12 min/ mile pace. So on these mild hills, we worked at keeping our strides quick and easy and not letting the pace drop too much.

This is the mile we get to see our family. Yay!!! Our buddies were already out at mile 2 and 5 and now my parents and our kids would be coming up around mile 6. Without talking about it, Mark and I each started shedding layers.
Poor Mom.
I was hot and took off my Orange ( yes, orange! ) sweatshirt. Mark was ready with gloves. At the Exact same time, we both threw them at Mom and Hit her!!!! Ahhh!! Sorry Mom!!!! It didn't phase her.

Ten steps later, our boys. :)
I heard Cameron chuckle and say, "haha, they're together!" I gently tapped Nick on his head as I ran by.

And then!
Dad went into action.
There we were cruising up the hill at 7 min miles ( trying to cruise at least) and Dad started running along with us 'blasting' ColdPlay's Clocks out of his iPhone!
Thanks Dad!!

Awesomeness.

7:05

Mile 7

Now we're running along by Crescetn Beach. Ahhh, the beach. I grew up on that beach. I worked there and I played there. I was starting to wish it was summer and I Laying ON that beach. Snap out of it! Too much daydreaming....

I thought it was getting real at mile 5. Ha! Mile 7 was pretty honest. Time to dig.
Hey, isn't this where I was going to blow by Mark?
Hmmm.......
ok. Maybe not. I was enjoying our togetherness in this race for the first time. We both admitted after that we Undoubtedly pushed each other through. There were certainly times when I eeked ahead of him and forced him to fight a bit more and other times that I had to concentrate and consciously decide Not to let him go. He had a habit of Surging ahead of people when we came upon them. He didn't let the pass occur on it's on at the pace we had been running. Nope. He felt the need to Speed way up and surge right by them. This bugged me. But there was nothing I could do about it. I couldn't talk after all. I was too busy breathing. And if I let him go, I might not get him back and I feared I would drop the pace if left to my own devices.
I just did not know what I would do.
My training is focused on my summer Triathlon season. Therefore, specific pace work for this race was very scarce. I had to fight deep inside to hold onto the speed I wanted.
I needed Mark and his natural hard to figure out how he does it with such minimal training speed to push me.
7:05

Go faster!

Mile 8

All I remember is Mark busting out a funny comment that he and I had joked about earlier in the week. At least it was about running! I ignored him. How can he talk?
Mark always talks.
He was talking 2 min before the start!! I had to rush back 30 rows where he was chit chatting with an old buddy and grab him. "Time to go!!!'
A few years ago, in a triathlon, he started in the wave ahead of me. When I passed him in the water, he recognized it was me and Stopped and tried to Talk to me!!!!! There he was smiling and waving with his mouth moving away.
Seriously hun??? NOW???

So when he started talking I was not surprised and just let him go. He expects me to ignore him. All was good.

I was struggling. I should have had more of that gel. I only got a few tiny sips in. It was all over my gloves instead. I convinced myself I didn't need it in a 70 min or less race. But I think I did. Lesson learned.

Run run run run run.
Aren't we done yet?
I am not sure how Mark was feeling. But I was drawing inward.
I was reminding myself why I cared. Why I wanted to do well.
It's very easy to decide it's not so important. It's easy to say, "oh well, I gave it all I had. I didn't train specifically for this race anyway. I'll just focus on my first Tri in May. It's ok.....just get to the end."
Yup. It's soooo easy to do that. I remembered the last 3 miles on the Queen K back in October. I remembered just how painful and hard those miles were. If I could get through that, of course I can do this with more zest than I seem to have right now.
I was grasping.
Because the 10 mile "all out" road race does not = Ironman Hawaii. They both have their own and very different kind of "pain." I needed to find a little pocket of energy to RUN faster those last few miles and my memories from the lava fields weren't helping unleash the speed I needed on Sunday on the cold Maine roads.

Then, in the midst of my gasps for air and attempts to keep my body from crumbling onto the pavement, I heard:

"I love you."

What?
what did he just say?

I just looked at him wide eyed?
Mark...he's sweet. But seriously, I'm in my own little world of hurt and he is able to speak a little pre-Valentine's message to me?

I'm a lucky gal....

7:00 was mile 9. I think I'm missing a split.
Doesn't matter.
Mark and I were close.
We were running with all we had left. I knew we were on target but how does that last 1/2 mile get SO long ????

Finally....

1:09.32

Both of us.

I've hung on this feeling before but I'm going to do it again. I'm thrilled. As I said, I've been running this race for as long as I've been a runner. Last weekend, at age 42, with my kiddos watching, I ran as fast as I ever have before. And I did it with my husband.
Can't beat that.

at least not 'til next year. :)

____________________________________________________

One final note----back to this picture.
My colors were not thought out. I took some warm hearted ribbing for my fashion sense at this race. (Even likened to Punky Brewster! It cracked me up. No hard feelings, I promise Kelsey. :) )
oops. Guess I run alone way way too often. I grabbed my favorite gear and headed to Cape! I made a pact with myself that from now on I will make every attempt to look at stealth-like and badass while racing as those speedy women who flew by me on Sunday. Because clearly it works!! I must say though, I was appreciated by parents and photographer friends who were waiting for us to go by!! You can't miss me coming from a mile away!! haha!

My race report disappeared???

2012-02-07T14:44:00.001-08:00

I wrote a post earlier... and it's GONE! the Title is there but the body is GONE!? I'm so irritated. Has anyone had this happen? Grrr......

There's a First for Everything- Race Report #1 of 2012

2012-02-07T09:18:00.000-08:00

It's not Supposed to be Easy

2012-01-20T14:36:00.000-08:00

The boys made a cake for me-- 100% by themselves. :)

I'm back. I cleared the post- vacation can't stop daydreaming fog and now I'm running along through life once again. I feel fresh and refreshed. Life really didn't allow me to do much else, actually. Of course. What fun is life if not busy and full of excitement! I had to even chuckle to myself when last night, at bedtime, my littlest vomitted alllll over his bedroom floor. Poor little guy. But what better welcome back to reality Mommy gift could there be?? Actually, I felt very relieved and lucky to be Home for him instead of 3000 miles away wishing I could hug him and rub his back.

_________________________________________________________________
I've been thinking about a post I wanted to write for the last week or two. In fact, the first paragraph was written last week. I was fresh and refreshed at that time, but since then, I've had two long sleepless nights, several 4 a.m. wake up calls and well, life just does that to ya! You all know it well. It can be tiring. But hey! It's Friday, there's fresh snow on the ground which means nice skiing this weekend and, it's Friday! Yes, that Friday part gets two nods.
My work for the week is almost done, the kids will be home soon so it's time for me to get these thoughts on paper!
Let's talk racing. Yes, racing. I know it's only January. I know the lakes are frozen and the roads are likely covered with snow. Well, they are if you live up here in the Northeast. Your first Tri of the season is likely months and months and months away. Right?
Perfect.
That means you have time. Time to think and plan and work your tail off.

This can be the hardest time of the year to train. As I mentioned, your first races are not even on the calendar screen yet. You are probably a few pounds over the svelte racing weight you achieved last July. ( as you should be...) It's dark in the wee hours of the morning when many of us like and need to train. It's dark in the afternoon. It's cold. It's windy. The roads are caked in snow. Or ice. Or, both. The pools feel chilier than usual and, your bike is hooked to a trainer. I'm a Northeastern girl so bear with me if you are blessed with warm sunshine and dry roads right now. We are not. I Love winter. You know that if you're a regular reader here on my blog. But I fully admit it adds extra challenges to the swimbikerun obsession many of us are trying manage in our lives.
What was I saying... oh yea...training in the winter. It is hard! It is often boring. ( note: 90 min treadmill run haunting me as I type... ) It is lonely. ( I miss my lake swims with friends that I enjoy on Friday mornings all summer!!! ) The need to get workouts done because that important race is around the corner does not seems so pressing. After all....we have lots and lots of time! My first big race isn't until June 24th! Sure, I'll run a few road races between now and then. I'll race in a Sprint Tri ( shhh.. I care a ton about that one too actually) but truly, my first "A" race isn't until the end of June.

With that in mind, training doesn't need to be very serious right now. Right? I can miss a swim or two each week without it realllyyyy impacting my training. I can do most of my runs and parts of the bikes that my Coach assigns. Because after all, it's only January!!! There is so much time!

WRONG!!! Insert annoying buzzer sound

That nonchalant attitude was ok. Back in late October, after Kona. And even November. Sure... I was rather lazy that month. I let things go when life had me running in 16 directions. ( I say life that way because this is my life too. It is. No matter how I cut it.) December was pretty loose as well. Though I began to get my mojo back and started paying a bit more attention to my long term plan. I began to think about my goals. I refocused on 2012. I had spent some time savoring the success of 2011 so I could feel ready to hit the next year.

Now, the off season is over. Hopefully you have all rested and recovered from the 2011 racing that you did. Because now it's time to work. The winter is the hardest time to train but it's very important. It's time to put hours on the bike, pay attention to your stroke in the water, and build your aerobic engine and durability for the run. One very key way to get the most out of your training is to be Consistent!!!! Do the work. Day after day after day. Whether it's cold, or lonely, or boring, or too far away from your next race, just do it. Your work this winter will pay off greatly on race day.

Speaking of race day, there's one more thing I want to talk about. It was recently pointed out to me that, apparently, it's not clear that in order to achieve personal greatness, you must HURT!!! In other words, if you want to have a breakthrough performance that bests what you've ever done before, or if you want to beat the person you've been chasing for years, it's doesn't just happen in the excitement of race day. There is a place you must go, in your head and in your heart , that allows you to Fight through all phsyical and mental "pain" to reach your success.

Chrissie Wellington, Mirinda Carfrae, Craig Alexender... the best Ironman athletes out there right now. They make it look easy. They are so strong and so fast it must not hurt them the way it hurts those who finish in 16 hours. Right?
oh so so wrong.
I've seen these athletes up close and personal in Hawaii. Let me tell you, they were fighting. With every ounce of everything they had. I ran towards Mirinda when she had 2 miles left to go... Chrissie was only minutes in front of her. Rinny's teeth were literally gritting...she was digging as hard as anyone I saw that day.

I had great successes last year in my racing. Before I lined up in the water on those big days, I had done hours and hours and hours of solid training. I worked hard all season to prepare for my events. Some of my workouts were knock down perfect write home to your Dad and gain tons of confidence workouts. Some of my workouts made me want to crawl into a hole and cry. But I did all my workouts. I rested when I needed rest. I pushed my limits when it was time to do that. Did that mean that on race day, it would all be easy? After all, I trained hard, I did all my long workouts, my short fast workouts, got to race weight, rested and was mentally ready for the distance. So then, why wouldn't it be easy?
I'll tell you why.
Because I wanted to go faster than I had ever gone before.
I wanted to beat anyone who came near me.
And that, is never easy.

It hurt. My big huge PR in Lake Placid hurt me to the core. I had to dig so deep to keep moving forward. My legs felt like lead weights, they ached, they were cramping, I desperately wanted to lay down in the middle of the road. You see, with all that training and preparing, I gained a huge amount of fitness, strength and confidence. I knew I could do it. I knew I could take all that preparation and make it happen. I could have just 'run' that 140.6 miles in a respectable time without too much suffering. The distance wasn't my challenge that day. Yet what I wanted was more. And to get that, I had to break out of my comfort zone. Out of my happy place. I had to dig. I had to believe and keep at it the.entire.way. And guess what, it worked.
And for a week after, my 7 year old had to help me walk. not kidding here...Nick held me up on many occasions that week...and if he wasn't there, the wall held me up.

Yes, you have to train and you have to train hard. Sometimes hard training means running multiple 18-20 mile runs over a month or two, sometimes it means riding your bike at supra-threshold power levels, sometimes it's swimming 3500 yards with faster intervals than ever before, sometimes it's a 100 mile bike ride one day with a 10 mile run the next, sometimes it's super fast runs on the track, and sometimes it means doing 14 days of training without day off. Hard training takes all different forms, depending on the athlete and depending on your goals.

Do the work. Keep at it. Start now. Don't skip workouts for no reason. Be tough and put on a neckwarmer and maybe hat. Ask for help when you need it. Get your rest. Eat well. Day after day after day.

And then, pack your bags. It's race time.
Race day is exciting and full of adrenaline. The crowds are a bonus and certainly help the miles go by. Let's imagine it's a marathon day....
Those things will give you a boost for oh...say... 6 miles? I'll be generous and say 6 miles. It depends on the course. On the weather. On the town....
So if you want a PR and you want to breakthrough to a new place in your personal performance... that leaves you 20.2 more miles to go... all on your own.
Can you do it???
Are you ready?

I think those cold winter runs and rides and swims are a good time to start thinking about it. Crawl back into your head and dig into your heart and decide how you're going to do it on race day? Will you take the comfy way home or will you make it hurt, give it more than ever before and cross that line with shaky wobbly legs that will refuse to walk another step forward once you finish?

Think about it. What kind of finish line do you want?

Time Away

2012-01-09T13:57:00.000-08:00

Today is transition day. Just like in triathlon....the time spent between two different things. Ideally, it's quick and easy. Just like T1 and T2. Make it fast. Get in and get out. I am tryyyying very hard to make this transition quick but my brain is hanging on to the past 5 days and I'm having a hard hard time letting go. My husband and I just got back from a 6 day vacation, alone. We met someone there that asked us if our kids were there. When he heard they weren't he replied, "Ahhh yes, that's the difference between a trip and a vacation." So true! My boys are the light of my life, truly. However, I would be lying if I didn't say that being the mom to 3 boys wasn't exhausting and challenging. It is. It's hard. And quite often, I find myself beating my head against a wall trying to figure out how to be a better parent. Tomorrow! Tomorrow I will be a better Mom! I say that a lot. I am trying. But it's hard. Anyway, I think maybe, I hope, those are typical feelings for many parents. The past few months have been a blur. Hectic to say the least. Loads of fun and lots of special memories but I was Wiped out. Mentally. Training has been easy since Kona. I can't pretend I needed any kind of respite from working out. But I did need a full blown detox from life. And, lucky lucky me, I got it. I just feel incredibly lucky to have had this getaway. You see, Mark had some meetings in Puerto Rico. I know I know, what the heck kind of meetings happen in Puerto Rico when your company is in Maine? He's on an executive board for a national group of contractors and they meet in 4 awesome places each year. I'm invited to tag along and attend a few beautiful social engagements but otherwise, I was on my own. It was amaaaaaaaaazing. I had the best time. It was mellow and quiet and all in the hot sunshine. I was catered to and fed delicious food. I slept in, watched movies in bed, drank coffee on a deck and had frozen grapes poolside every day at 1:00. I was totally spoiled. And I loved it. Mark and I had hours and hours of quiet time together and that was perfect. Neither of us knew just how much we needed that. I felt very lucky and enjoyed the time to the fullest. Yesterday, was my birthday. I started the day with a run in the super hot sun and while I felt incredibly bad running ( ha...yeah that's what I get !), I was so happy. I ran by the ocean and felt the hot sun on my face. Then I got back to the hotel, called the kids and told them we were on our way. The day was spent travelling but by 9 p.m. I was back with my 3 guys. Pretty close to a perfect birthday really. Right now, those same kiddos are attempting to make their first Birthday cake without Any help. I guess my diet will start tomorrow.

Getting back into real life has been kind of sluggish today. I didn't want to get up at 6:00. The house is somehow a mess even though none of us have been here for a week. Of course, we had no food and loads of laundry need to get done. But all that aside, my biggest problem has been my brain. it is SHUT OFF! I'm having a little trouble turning it back on. My mind keeps wandering to that cushy lounge chair I sat in for hours and hours each day last week. sigh...... Poor me. haha..... You know what helped ?? It's no surprise but.... I got myself moving again. I hopped on that dusty trainer and busted out an hour on the bike. There. I'm back. I can focus again and I'm not daydreaming quite as much as I was this morning. I'll start tomorrow with a super early swim, I'll get a lot of work done and NO MORE excuse that it's "Christmas, Thanksgiving, new Year's, Vacation, or my Birthday" so of course I'll have that to eat mode. I'm ready! 2012 is here and I'm ready to make it awesome. One more Puerto Rico burst here... a few pictures from my vacation!

from our room.....loooking out onto the golf course.

Getting ready for a run on day 1

The main Plantation house....

My poolside lunch...yummy greek salad that I ate nearly every day.

Crazy huge iguanas all over the place. I encountered the 1st one on a run... scared me JUST a bit when I saw it on the path in front of me.

Giant iguana crawled right under my seat, across the deck and Into the pool!?

Mark... dressed up and looking handsome for dinner with me!

Where I spent most of my day.

At an AGC function...they even had a cake for me.

looking from the pool out towards the ocean.

Dinner our last night was out on a lawn, under a full moon.

These boardwalks surrounded the property.

our casa

Closing out 2011

2011-12-30T05:42:00.000-08:00

It is definately true that times goes faster the older you get. Another year is just about over. I'm sad to see life move along so fast and yet, it's hard for me not to smile as I think back over the past year and what might be ahead for 2012. I refuse to think about my children's ages and what that means in terms of "years left" with them at home. I just can't go there. It makes me too sad. I pull my hair out day after day but when push comes to shove, there is nothing on earth that makes me happier than time spent with my boys. In the Triathlon/ racing world, 2011 might have been my best yet. I feel so incredibly proud to say that. After all, I'm only 10 days away from turning 42. I am on a mission to prove to myself that age doesn't matter. I know I know, eventually it does. And truthfully, I've been feeling a little creaky lately. But..... 2011 was an awesome year for me in the world of racing and that's what I'll head into 2012 thinking about.

Here are a few snapshots of different parts of our year. Wouldn't it be cool to have a photo, just 1, from all 365 days? Maybe I'll do that some time. Ha... not likely. But to somehow capture the Whole year...that would be cool.

@ the Luau in Kona, Hawaii

My race bib from the Charleston Marathon 1/15/11 - big PR day for me 3:10. Now I can put the marathon up on a shelf for later...

XC skiing with the kids. ( we Need some of this snow again!!)

One of many fun ski days at Sunday River

Lunch break on a ski day

last day of school 2011 ( heading into 6th, 4th and 2nd)

what is Up with my hair? it looks like I have a mullet

We enjoyed many sunset water ski runs at camp last summer

The boys with my Dad at Wolf Neck on the 4th of July

swimming at the Neck...

Post- Mooseman Half Iron--

Ange & Mary on the podium at Mooseman ( 1st and 3rd age group)

post- long run cold water soak at wolf neck....the perfect recovery

while the boys searched for sea creatures I enjoyed the view.. .heaven on earth

Check out this sign-- Does it get any better? Not for me. This was out on the Ironman Lake Placid run course.

Pre Ironman Lake Placid with Mary

Deep into the day... reaching inward for whatever I needed to get to that finish

my Hug

skipping ahead! Post - Season night out with Mark and great friends!

still digging in Lake Placid...up up up that hill one more time

From my Neice Audrey :)

Ahhhhhhhh..... I did it. Quite possibly the BEST finish line feeling of my entire life. 10:18 , 2nd overall.

Kona!!!!!!!!

Now I'm out of order... pre Jingle Bell 5K with the gang

Island memories!!!

Kona!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It's been a great year. Our family is all healthy and we're together most days. I don't think much else matters!! I'm excited to head into 2012 for more fun and success for everyone. I hope!! That's my plan so I'll do my best to make it happen.

As I said, New Year's is not only the start of a new calendar year but a few days later I turn a new age. It always makes me stop and think about what I'm doing and if I am happy with how I am doing it.

Time for some goal setting and planning for what's next.

For now... I get a few more quiet unstructured days with my kids. Next week, I'm excited to be travelling south to Puerto Rico with my husband. A week alone with Mark? I honestly do not remember the last time we did this when a race wasn't involved. It's not a full vacation. There's some business involved. However...... I think we're pretty lucky for this quiet getaway so we can step back and regroup for what's ahead. Life with 3 boys and 2 businesses is always hectic and always interesting. I'm going to use these days alone to take a deep breath and get ready to give them all I've got for the year ahead.

Happy New Year!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I need some snow...or something

2011-12-22T13:24:00.000-08:00

December 22nd....

I should be feeling all ho ho ho and jingle bells and searching for mistle toe. Instead, I'm feeling a bit wrathy. Is that a word? If not, I just made it my word.

It's not really the typical everyone-feels-it Christmas stress. Though, I'm sure that is playing a roll. It's a culmination of things all piled into one and I thought surely I was going to crack this morning. Let's see..... one of my boys is sick. He's 10. That just makes me sad. It's Christmastime and there's fun to be had!!! He missed the last day before vacation because of a high fever. Poor baby. As a result, we cancelled a nice evening with our best friends ( a whole family) for fear of infecting them and overdoing it for Tommy. It was the right thing to do. But now, my table is covered in it's prettiest Christmas coverings, an 8 lb roast is waiting to be carved and wasted because it's far too big and my kids are all very sad. Yesterday was my last day of the week to work and be productive. I worked start to finish on Monday. Tuesday I had Christmas errands and a swim lesson. Wednesday was my day. I had a teeny tiny workout planned and oodles of time to get things Done before the kids have school vacation for 11 days and then I leave on a 6 day trip. Instead, at 10a.m. the texts from school started buzzing. Early dismissal. 11:30. Nooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!! ( possible ice storm...didn't really happen until around 4-5 p.m.... just sayin...but hey! They were in the school for 2.5 hours so that counts as a full day of learning! Huh? Really? and how is that best for our kids?? Don't get me started...remember, I'm wrathy.)
deep breath.
So....that was that. All productivity and final Christmas shopping and secret planning and prepping ended as of 11:15 Wed morning.
I try, but I am not a go with the flow kinda girl. So a mini panic attack ensued.
You see, I plan. I have every hour planned out most weeks. This week, I had to toss it all away. and since it's Christmas week, and it's crunch time, this was not the week for losing 1.5 days you thought you had to be working!!!

You'd think as a mom of 3 I'd be better at spontaneity. Nope. It's just not me.

Perhaps it's my new role. I'm no longer a stay home mom. I"m a stay home mom that works from home. And, it's tough. Not only are my hours available to work completely unreliable ( read above paragraph) but many people seem to not count working from home as actually working. Perhaps that's just my perception.

Early this morning, once the other two were off to school, I was over it. I was enjoying my 1:1 time with Tommy even if the poor guy was sick. It's nice to be able to talk to my kids in peace once in a while. The Christmas trees are beautiful. We're all going to be together all weekend. I feel very lucky.

But more things keep surfacing around the perimeter that are ticking me off. They are completely unrelated to Christmas. They are unrelated to family. They are situations that have been handled unprofessionally and with ulterior motives. And, it upsets me. I need to let it go. if I could, you know I would if I could I would, let it go.....

I love Christmas. I love everything about it. My children aren't greedy or asking for things that are too expensive or hard to find. They write nice letters to Santa and ask how the Reindeer are this year and if he's feeling good as he gets ready for the big night. We decorate the house with lights and wreaths and santas and nativity scenes. We sing songs and bake cookies. But woah..............I Do feel the pressure to make sure I do all those things and continue to make nice memories for them! I have fear that I'll forget something that is a favorite of theirs or just run out of time.

I know I know....I put too much pressure on myself.
This shot of my guys goofing off in Hawaii......that's what it's all about. Those smiles. That's all I care about seeing for the next 3 days. ( ok, longer that that but I'm going to focus on this holiday weekend right now.)

My mission is to LET GO all the other junk that's bothering me. Forget it all. Turn it all off. By morning, Tommy will be ready to rock. Nobody else will be sick. We'll go caroling with the neighborhood parties, we'll wrap presents, eat that giant roast, make Santa's cookies, go to mass, and then welcome my awesome family here on Sunday! Truly, it is a wonderful sparkly time of year with great memories to be made.

There....the thereapeutic write about it post let allows me to get all those abstracts problems off my chest, onto paper so I Can LET IT GO!

oh yea...training? Hmm... here and there! I'm swimming a bit, running and biking too!! But it's still December and after a double Ironman season, I'm not overly stressed about any of that SBR stuff yet. But it's coming along and 2012 is going to be Fun!!!

_____

Now....where IS that mistle toe???

My quiet dark drive---

2011-12-08T06:38:00.001-08:00

All of this started when I was eight. I joined a swim team. I loved it. I loved every single bit of it. So I lived it with all my soul until that final swim meet in college at the Unversity of Delaware. I still remember my last race. Then suddenly, it was over.

Years and years later, after college, after grad school, after I got married, and after I had 3 children, I wanted it back. I finally missed swimming.

The only problem is I live in a town without a swimming pool. Not only is my town lacking a pool but all the surrounding towns are lacking a pool as well. I won't get started on that rant. But, it is a sad and tragic ( maybe a strong word) fact for all the children in this region abundant with lakes that consistent swim lessons aren't available.

Moving on!

I made the decision to race Triathlons years ago ( another story) and that meant I needed to swim. How? How was I going to pull that one off?
My husband leaves for work at 7 a.m.
At that time, my boys were 2, 4, and 6. I was home with them all day long.
Hmm..
I thought and thought. I found a pool in a town 25 miles from here that opened at 5:20 a.m.
I can do it!
All I needed to do was set my alarm for 4:25, drive for 35 min, swim, leave there by 6:25 and I could make it home by 6:58!! perfect!

Did I say 4:25 a.m.?
Yes.
Such a lovely hour. I hadn't seen that hour regularly since my babies were crying for me all night long.

Seven years have passed and I'm still doing it. Usually three times each week.

Why? Because I want to swim. I want to swim fast. I want to swim faster than the people I'm racing. And, I love it.

The Worst part about the 4:25 alarm buzz, is the night before. When it's 9:45 p.m. and I just can't get myself to bed any earlier, it weighs on me. I pull my swim bag from the closet, throw in a towel, put my workout on the index card in a baggie and into the bag. I get out my water bottle, put the coffee cup on the counter and try not to think about it.
The alarm goes off and I think NO!!!!!!!!!!! Already????
Without thinking, I get up. My sweatshirt and sweatpants are at the foot of my bed.I put them on, kiss my husband goodbye and he always says, "be careful." And with that, I'm off.
After that first 60 seconds, the pain of it is gone.
I walk down the stairs, say Hi Kitties as they inevitably run by my feet, I go into the kitchen and turn on the lights. I pour the coffee that's hot and ready, grab my phone, swim bag and head down to the car. Sneakers on, coat on, coffee in hand and I'm outta there.
I turn the same station on the radio before I'm out of the driveway.
It no longer feels like 4:45 a.m. It feels like My quiet time!
I am alone on the roads. The drive that is busy and slow during the daytime is 100% free and clear. The roads aren't lit except by my headlights. I hold my coffee, sip it slowly, listen to talk radio and think of nothing important.
It's a nice time of day to be honest. I'm ahead of everyone. I'm beating the rush.
By 5:22 I'm in my suit and on the deck. I admit, it takes me too too long to actually dive in. The 5 or 6 other ladies at the Y jump in Instantly. I don't know how they do it. I stand there. I stretch. I stretch more. I reread the workout. And finally, I tell myself, "you didn't get out of bed so early to Waste your time standing here!!" And I dive in.
That's that.
As soon as I'm done I start rushing. I rush to get dressed, to drive home, to say by to Mark, to say Hi to the kids, to make their lunchboxes, to clean the kitchen, brush their hair, make sure homework is in the bag, and so on....and it doesnt' stop until all 3 guys are tucked in their beds 13 hours later.

And that's the silly little story of how I get myself to the pool all week!!!

that's me... back in the Cape pool as an 'old lady' at a Master's meet a few yrs ago.

Here comes Santa Claus

2011-12-05T10:55:00.001-08:00

I have no idea how it happened. But guess what? Christmas is 3 weeks from Yesterday!?? It's true. Santa is coming very very soon and I quite sure, his elves aren't fully prepared. It's time for them to get busy!!!!

So....where have I been? Hidden away behind my desk working like a little elf. 'Tis the season of preparation. I'm busy working away putting together thorough annual plans for the athletes I'm coaching right now. I love seeing the grand plan all laid out. However, moving through the calendar week by week just reinforces to me how fast time flies. Speaking of which, only 50 minutes until I pick up my 3 little boys. A few quick stories/ updates before I start the next part of my day...

Yesterday was a 1st for our family. All 5 of us ran a race together. The Jingle Bell 5K in Freeport, Maine and we had a blast! At least Mom and Dad did. We were super proud. It was extra fun because my parents were there cheering us on along with my 8 yr old neice. My brother ran with one of his sons too. It was a great family day. As I told a friend, my kids enjoyed it and did a great job but honestly, I think they mostly loved the free access to the post-race food for athletes. I can't tell you how many races I've crossed the line and been greated almost instantly with, "Mom! I'm hungry! Can I just get one of those cookies? " And so on... I admit. I sneak post-race food for my kids sometimes. I'm guilty. Not yesterday! They earned it!

pre-race

Team Bancroft pre-race

Tommy (red shorts)& Cameron in black 10 steps back

ready to go...

post-race lunch at Grammie & Grampa's

Nick in the orange shorts w/Daddy in yellow...

The Small-Bancroft Team

I've decided my shirt is a bit too orange. I definately won't get shot by hunters on my training runs though!!

awards--1st age group, 2nd overall

Jack finishing (in blue, bent forward in front of guy in white (my brother) with Nick and I cheering him on.

Tommy won 2nd age group with a 23:45

The race was a blast! It was a beautiful day with sun and warmth. I must say, I wasn't sure how I'd pull out a fast 5K. Since Kona, my training has been light and pretty easy. As it should be!! I have been 100% FINE with a relaxed frame of mind since that awesome October day. That said, I compete hard every time I race. Tommy, Cameron and I lined up in front. Mark and Nick were back a few rows. I told the kids to just do their thing and I'd see them at the end. They were nervous and excited.

Off we went!! 5Ks are just hard. I went off Fast to start!!! My legs responded and turned over quickly! In fact, I have a one minute period that I was going sub5. Ha!! I got passed by a woman right off who was absolutely flying. I looked at my garmin, 5:28 pace.
Ok Momma...slooooooow down. I guess I got a little excited.

Within the next minute, I could hear myself breathing. I was wheezing and sniffing and gasping and just .....running as hard as I could. I knew it would be over before too much could go wrong.

I made the lollipop turn and came back towards the other runners. I saw Mark and Nick and Nick and I High Fived! Then I slapped GO JACK to my little nephew! Cam and Tommy weren't far behind since I didn't see them on the turn around. I was 2nd woman and just decided to hold onto that.

Up a hill, HI To Mom and neice Audrey, Hey there's Dad, woah there goes a KID that looks younger than my son...up the hill....look at the watch 19:45.

I laughed out loud. I had asked coach Kurt whath to shoot for. I've only run 2 or 3 5Ks in my life and since this is Not what I'm out training for I had no real clue what to expect or hope for. He said, "how about mid 20?"

So...I crossed the line in 20:42. there.
good deal.

I turned around and ran back to see Tommy FLY over the hill for the finish. He was RIGHT there! He looked so fast.

23:45

Cam was right behind him in 24:15. He told he me he had to stop to fix his shoe at one point. So...little bro beat him. :) No big deal. He handled it with a calm cool and collected attitude.

Nick and Mark were only minutes behind in sub 28!

Jack and Jeff were right there only minutes after!!!!

THe kids were all so proud but not as proud as their parents!

I know that running this distance at these ages isn't necessarily the best for the athletic future. There are better things to focus on with children at this age and I intend to do just that. ( Less focus on endurance and more focus on speed,agility, balance etc....). This isn't something I've focused over the years because it didn't cross my mind. Now, it's important. I'm being taught just how important and I'm grateful for that education. However, this one day was a great family bonding time. It was nice to have the kids wear the race numbers and be just as much a part of it as Mom and Dad. I'll keep teaching them to be active, eat well and to have fun moving around a lot. But long distance racing (which is what a 5K is to a small child like Nick for ex) won't be happening too much until they're older.

THANKSGIVING!!!!

Thanksgiving was at my house this year. I had 30 family members and friends over and we had a blast. ( at least I did. ) I won't lie. It was a TON Of work leading up to it. Tons. But, I pulled it off. Except for the fact that the antique chair I was sitting in at dinner BROKE and left me in a heap on the floor. I'm pretty cool aren't I? Yes, other than that it was a lovely day.

yes, I am posting this hideous picture of myself. It's good for a laugh. right? I was chopping onions and my eyes were KILLING ME!!!!!! I have my goggles on. Yes, I really do. and, It helped!!!

Mark and his Dad carving the turkeys ( we ate 2 x 22lb birds in one sitting!)

Mark's parents with all their Grandkids

Mother Nature was awesome and gave us 15 beautiful inches of snow the day before --making a fun distraction for the kids

Cameron played his trumpet for the whole group!!

my guys

And that's that!!!! Time to go buy Christmas wreaths and get the kids!

Giving Thanks

2011-11-22T18:49:00.001-08:00

Thanksgiving is here. Time is flying by and life is busy.

It may be cliche but that's ok. I'm feeling thankful.

I can't list everything that I'm grateful for... but here's a short list of my favorites.

My husband- he's patient and kind. He's forgiving and understanding. He's always supportive.
All my boys- I have the coolest 3 kids. They are wonderful. Sure... I tear my hair out all the time trying to figure out how to handle situations, but they are good kids. I'm very proud and very lucky.
My health
Their health
My parents and their health
My brother
My neice Audrey
My Sister in laws--- all 5!
My nephews Jack & Griffin
Our warm comfortable home.
healthy food on the table day after day
True friends- you know who you are. :)
My peaceful runs on these quiet back roads
Mark's big family with oodles of sisters, and neices and nephews and fiances!!
All our fun times at the island all summer
Nick's laugh & snuggles
Tommy's smile & energy
Cam's sincerity & compassion

I can go on and on.. I have so much to be thankful for.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

In Triathlon news.... there's not much. I've been running a little. I've biked a handful of times. I have been in the pool though it doesn't feel like swimming. I've gained a few lbs and hand some really really fun nights out on the town, and at our friend's house, and at a concert.... it's been a nice relaxing off season so far. I'm ok with the down time....I know I need it. Especially this fall.

But soon... SOON I will be back at it with ernest. I'm close. I'm hosting 30 people for Thanksgiving this year so ...next week! Next week I'll be ready to focus a bit more on the workouts. This week is all about making pies, casseroles, big huge turkeys, setting tables, washing floors, finding enough plates, visiting with family who we rarely see and a few who have been off at college and growing up too fast and... saying THANK YOU for all we have. Because really, we have an awful lot.
I'm grateful and blessed and never want to take all that I have for granted.

HAPPY THANKSGIVING to you and yours!

A New Day, Because I did Let it Go...

2011-11-03T13:52:00.000-07:00

If you read my post last night, you understand that title.

After an appropriate nudge from the person I trust and respect most in this world, I took down my last post. It didn't sit well with me either to be honest.So, down it came.

All I am going to say is: Please don't judge others. I think we all can learn from that. Don't assume you know how people handle the personal details of their lives. We all make assumptions, of course. It's human nature. But I will work even harder from this point on to refrain from making judgements. Because, nobody really knows.
__________________________________________________________________

Moving on! I have some fun things to share.
Yesterday I went to my boy's Elementary school to share my Ironman experiences. I was asked by their teachers to share with their classes what I had done in Hawaii and what I did to earn my spot on the starting line. Our district's mission is to teach our kids to Aspire Higher. The focus lately has been on goal setting and reaching beyond to a place you didn't know was possible.

I had to step out of my comfort zone. It's not easy for me to speak in front of groups. To make it more difficult, I had to talk about myself. To kids! Not just any kids, my kids and their peers. I wanted to make them proud. I thought and thought about how to make my story interesting to children. They are only in 2nd, 4th, and 6th grades. I worried about making my Ironman stories interesting to such young little people.

But, most of all, I wanted to make my own kids proud of their Mom. Of course, they were in Lake Placid and they were in Kona. They have been with me every step of the way. They know most of the ins and outs of this sport. But this time, I was standing in front of their peers. I didn't want to mess up. I wanted to be cool.
I made a little outline and gathered some gear. I brought my fancy medal from Kona, my 1st place trophy from Lake Placid, some gels, an aero helmet, a race wheel, a torque swim suit, and a few pictures. I explained how far 112 miles was.... a drive from our town to ~Boston. I talked about setting goals and no matter how hard things got, continuing. I explained that my Ironman took lots and lots and lots of work to even cross the finish line. It didn't happen automatically because I signed up. I talked about the fact that I often wake up at 4:30 a.m. to swim, that some of my bike rides last the whole school day and that some days felt good and some days felt very bad. I changed some words depending on who's class I was speaking to. I answered questions about changing tires, about where we went to the bathroom ( true! ) and if I really ran the whole way. I had some kids raise their hands and tell me about races they had done. One boy ran a kid's race in Crocs after his Mother's triathlon and he was Very very proud. I loved that.

I think the day went well. When I picked the boys up after school they all quickly said, " I liked your talk Mommy!"and "it was really good. " And other nice things like that. I was relieved and very happy to make them smile. Triathlon is such a part of their world that I think they had fun sitting back and being the ones in their classroom to know all about something.

But the most fun came today!!!! Nicholas is in 2nd grade. He's 7. His Whole class wrote me beautiful and sweet notes! I will quote a few.... I only wish I could paste their adorable and in some cases impressively neat handwriting!!! .

Dear Mrs. Bancroft, ( they all started this way.... )

"You taught me that reaching your aspiration is hard. I learned that you must work hard to reach your goal. Now I can do the same. I'll work hard to reach my aspiration. "

"Thank you for teaching us that in order to reach our goal we need to work hard. Thank you for telling us about what you had to eat and drink to keep going. It was really great that you got 2nd place out of all those people. "

"That was very nice of you to show us what you do. We were glad for you to come to our classroom. I like you. You are pretty. "

"Thank you for teaching me that if you work hard in football you can win the game. That is my goal. "

"thank you for coming in and teaching us how hard you have to work. It sounds really fun. My aspiration is to do a round off. You must of trained really really hard. when I was in track when my legs and feet hurt I set a goal not to stop because I knew that I had to do the race. "

"You taught us about exercising. You also taught us about swimming in a line. "

"You taught me that you have to eat and drink or you will be dehydrated. "

"You made me know how to get to my goal. Now that you talked about how you do your exercise because I'm going to be a football player so thank you for teaching us about exercise you do. Have a good night for you and Nick. "

my favorite:
"Dear Mommy,
Thank you for coming in the classroom. It was fun. Thank you for bringing me to Hawaii. 2 mile swim 112 mile bike and run 26 miles YOU ARE AN IRONMAN! love nick"

These made my day. Now I feel sure that yesterday was a good thing to do.

What comes next???

2011-10-25T14:25:00.000-07:00

I crossed the finish line....

It's now 5:26 p.m. Want to know what happens next? We spend so much time replaying all the pre-race routines, the morning of, the seconds before, and then of course a thorough blow by blow of the full 140.6 miles.

While fighting through the final miles of the marathon in my Ironmans, I sometimes wonder what will happen when that beautiful black line (is there a line?) and huge timing clock finally appear. Will I collapse? Will I drop to my knees? Will I cry? I never really know. Of course, it's not something you plan. I know I feel like I will likely just crumble to the ground and be unable to move my body ever again.

On October 8th, I crossed the line with my hands in the air, a huge smile, and I am quite sure a few tears. Immediately, I looked for Mark and the kids. Where are they??? They weren't there. I knew they must be close. He caught me when I crossed the line in '09. We had our green tickets to get them back there. Mark??
Two smiling volunteers grabbed my arms instead. A man and a woman. I don't know their names. I felt my legs buckle a little, but I stayed upright. A thick black cotton towel was thrown over my back and a beautiful purple lei was placed around my neck.
I wrestled to get that warm towel OFF my skin!!! " I need this off.... please..."
At first, they insisted I keep it on me. " You don't want to get chilled."
Seriously??? I just busted my tail for 10.5 hours through the Lava fields of Kona. I am not chilled now nor do I expect to be any time soon.
I can't remember where that thing went.
I looked and looked and must have said several times that I needed to find my family. They kept walking me down an aisle towards the back of the hotel where they said I'd find him. I was asked 100 times what I needed. If I was ok. Do you want water? coke? Sports drink?
I know I said thank you. I really did appreciate their arms and smiling faces. But... if I drank any more coke or powerbar perform, well, it wouldn't be pretty. Nothing... I don't need anything...thank you. I just need my family.
I remember saying multiple times that, 'yes, I am ok. I am happy. I feel ok. I'm tired." over and over. God bless those volunteers. They were thorough with me!
After a few minutes we got to the place where they said goodbye and sent me on my own.

And there I stood. Alone. Looking out at a giant sea of other tired, sweaty and confused athletes mixing with 100s of family looking for their person.

Hmmm....now what.
Legs... go. Move. Please. Walk. I felt a bit, well, stiff... Yup....I was done walking.

After what seemed like a strange amount of time to stand in the middle of a walkway, I started to shuffle.

Where was Mark??? I decided to make my way to the place we dropped our Morning Clothes bag 11 or so hours before and find my phone. If I could just remember where that was. And, how I was going to get there.

Before I knew it, Tom came along. No, not my 9 year old Tommy. This was post-race volunteer #3, handsome young Tom.

"Are you ok?"
My answer wasn't the firm Yes that it had been 20 min earlier. He grabbed my arm and walked with me. I love the volunteers. I was really really happy to have Tom with me. I was starting to fade. I felt somewhat nauseus. I started to notice that things felt a little off. My hands were very swollen. And they tingled!? It was strange. At first, I didn't talk about that. I just told Tom that I couldn't find my husband.

So, Tom grabbed his cell phone and dialed his number! How cool is that? Sadly, Mark didn't answer.

Meanwhile, I grew a tad dizzy. I needed to sit. Tom laid me on the ground and got me a drink. I can't remember what it was. I complained about my hands and face. Now my face was tingling. This made Tom uncomfortable I guess because he insisted I go back to the med tent. Really? Ok, let's go.

It was a long long walk / shuffle to the tent. By now, I was barefoot and it felt so good. I had striipped my soaking wet shoes and socks off and discovered my water logged and blistered feet. Lovely. And, expected. My feet were soaked the entire day.

Soon... Tom and Mark were chatting. Phew! We finally met at the med tent and yes, Mark was crying. He's a guy that cries. Sorry hun. you've been outed. It's a good thing. He hugged me super hard and picked me up and told me he was so so proud of me. Tears and smiles. My boys were sunburned but happy. They all had their Ironman hats on and free Ironman bags they got at the expo filled with snacks, shells, and water. Good job Dad. :) One of the first things Nick said, "Look at Daddy's foot!!!!!" What? Sure enough, Mark's foot was bleeding pretty badly. I got hustled into the tent for a little TLC and somehow convinced them to help him out too.
( Turns out he tried to jump fences and run though gates to get to me at the finish....they wouldn't let him and he ended up angry and fell down. ooops...)

I found my way to a cot and they examined me. My hands were freaking me out and I felt lightheaded and like I could be sick. But, really, not that bad. No way near as bad as I felt after my first Ironman. I was in that med tent for a long long time and had a hard time. My heart rate was 110 which is pretty high an hour after a race. Maybe it wasn't that long. She tried to take my blood pressure but when the cuff was on me my hand became stiff in a deformed position and it freaked me out. I moved around and she yanked it off. Failed. No blood pressure. As I sat there, trying to get myself together, I started to shake. I was freezing. Hmmm...joke's on me! Where was that towel? The nurses brought me a mylar blanket and the world was good again.

I looked at the people laying on cots around me. They needed help. I was on a mission to leave. I was ok. I felt horrible, but I could think straight, talk and even walk a bit. Time to go. I grabbed Mark in all his bandages and we made our way out.

From there we wandered back to the food / pick up bag area and got my stuff.
And then... The Medal!!
Ta da!!!!!!!!!!! Isn't it a beauty! It's a nice one. I think I'll hold onto this one. (couldn't get rid of that glare)

We chatted with some other people, the boys got ice cream cups, and we took a few pictures. I never found Mary but I did see her husband and kids. I finally got my bike, was rerouted a LONG way around to get Back to my family and then we made our way to the Jeep.
My clothes were soaked, my legs were aching, and I was very anxious to get in a hot shower. Or was I...

I climbed in and ouuuuuuch!!!!!!!!!!!!

Imagine being in tight wet clothes from 6:40 a.m. - 7:30 p.m. Those clothes are covered with salt water, sweat and who knows what else. You are also moving your legs back and forth through 140.6 miles of swimming, biking and running. Friction. Big time. And that = DIAPER RASH!!!! Yes, it's sad but true. It is very very unpleasant and painful. And unavoidable.

And, nasty chafing under my arms where my shirt rubbed, on the back of my neck, and blisters on the feet. PIck a spot and I likely had some impressive chafing there. I screamed in pain. One by one each kid came in, "Mommy??? Are you ok???
No..but I will be. I assured them. Mark has seen it before. He just let me be. It was a painful, oh so painful, shower.
Finally.. I put on soft dry sweats and a shirt. I cralwed onto the bed and decided I might never move again.

Contrary to what you might think, I was not in the mood to eat. I had been stuffing various forms of sugar into my system and fighting off the heat and winds all day so the appetite gets suppressed. Big time. In fact, that goes on for a good portion of the week.
I would feel super hungry. I would decide it was time to chow. I would sit down with a tasty looking meal and realize I just could not get it all down. Food just did not sit right for several days. Until suddenly, one day, it was time. Time to Eat. I made up for those few lost days. Trust me.

And then there's the soreness. Waking the next day is never a good thing. Ohhh...it hurts to roll over. I am not kidding. But honestly, the day After the day after is even worse. I would move from spot to spot around the room holding onto the walls as I went.
The last notable thing I remember was the edema. My feet, ankles and calves swelled so immensely this time! I would feel them tighten as each day wore on so finally, I could barely get my shoes on. The skin on my legs felt like it was going to rip open.

By day 3 or 4, I felt pretty good. I was walking without much issue. I took the stairs to our 3rd floor condo without looks of pity from my kids. My feet stopped swelling and I could eat pretty normally.

I recovered quite well laying around on the white sands of Hawaii!! And now, I'm back in Maine during the most beautiful month of October and I feel great. Energy is great and I'm excited to see what next year brings.

There it is! The 48-72 hours post- Ange's Ironman!

Kona 2011- The Race Report

2011-10-17T10:59:00.000-07:00

And they're off!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ironman. It's not 1 day. It's a way of life for a long long time before that day. This year, I did it twice. Two Ironman races in two + months. Needless to say, I'm tired. Despite that deep fatigue, I remain wired with satisfaction and happiness.

Here's my story from Hawaii.

Ironman World Championships 2011

10/08/11

Leading up to the big day........

I worked and worked for weeks before we left to dot the i's and cross the t's at home. I completed all my workouts with 100% effort. I discussed things and planned for weeks and weeks ahead of time with my athletes. I organized the kid's schedules with school and of course, packed. That list sounds short but believe me, I was busier than a bee and eventually, it took it's toll. A regular old cold came and went. But then, 3 days before we flew away, the cough. And then, the fever. The day before we left, I was flat on my back for the day with a 101+ fever. Great. Determined to fight it off, I convinced my head I would be fine. Travel day was long. I started off feeling decent. The boys were awesome. However, by the time we took off from CA to HI, I was hot again. My temp was rising and I felt horrible. I coughed embarrassingly loud and hard on the tiny airplane. I was sweaty and scared. How could all my hard work be derailed by a flu bug? Ignore it ignore it ignore it. I tried to sleep while the kids and Mark laughed at Cars2 on the plane. Finally, 7 p.m. Hawaii time and 1:00 a.m. Maine time, we landed. By 3 a.m. Maine time, I went to bed. Praying....praying I'd recover.

Fast forward...... Thanks to my personal nurse who supplied a race saving prescription of antibiotics, I only suffered through one more sick day. The fear of having to DNS a race we travelled around the world for, faded. I rallied by grabbing my bike from Bike Works, completing a a short brick and listening to the kids exclaim in disbelief about the giant sea turtles they swam with out our front door. Things were looking up.

Time to get my head back on the race. Focus Ange, focus.

_______________________________________________________________________

Friday- The day before. True to form, I was careful and serious about my pre-race routine. I got up early, completed a short little run, and then ate pancakes until I was sick. I was overlooking the Pacific while sitting on our Lanai with my whole family around me. I was feeling lucky. And, nervous. Very nervous.

I had a breakthrough race in Lake Placid in July. I crushed my old Ironman PR and I nearly won the amateur race. Me? From Paris Maine? I just ride around this remote town by myself doing the best I can day after day? How did I do that? It was almost surreal. And yet, it was me. I did do that. And you know what? I wanted to do it again. I was not extra nervous because I was racing in the World Championships. I was not super anxious because I was competing in a race that is the most desired event for all triathletes or because I was going up against some of the best athletes in the world. No, I was ready for that. I didn't spend the week feeling intimidated by all the hot shots walking around. Their shiny bikes and svelte bodies didn't scare me. I felt confident about myself. I knew how I got there. I knew I earned my spot.

I was super nervous because I wanted to do it again. I wanted to show myself that July 24th wasn't just a day that came together. It was a day that I earned. A day that I made happen. It wasn't luck or good fortune. It was hard work and determination. I needed to solidify my performance by doing it again.

That was my mission for Hawaii. Repeat. Make it mine. One more time. Two for two.

___________________________________________

Race day.

3:50 a.m. - wake up- choke down food, savor caffeinated coffee finally, don the tri kit, say thanks to my 4 boys for the support as they wake up at 4:15 too, and off we went.

4:45- go through the motions. Body mark, watch Chris Leito walk by, wonder if Julie Dibens is as nervous as I am, get weighed and growl because it's 5lbs more than just a few days ago, bottles on bike, pump tires, choke down some EFS, hug Mary, recheck tires, fill bento box, go to the bathroom, sit and stretch, go to the bathroom, walk around aimlessly, and then, it's time.

Cap on, goggles tight, Torque suit pulled up, stand for National anthem.

It's time. It's time.

Just like that.... it's show time.

And the fun begins---

I walked down the small stairway from the pier to the water. The waves are crashing in to the wall and the force of the water going out almost knocked me over. I found and chatted with my friend Marni, both of us focused and a bit distant. It was time to swim out. The start is about 50 yards off shore. I swam off to the left in an attempt to avoid the insane mele of the mass start at this intense race. At the World Championships, we all want to be out front. We all know how to be out front. The result is a swim start full of adrenaline, huge ego and anxiety. I am a swimmer at heart and yet, I grew up racing in my own lane. Just me vs the person in the lanes next to me. Separated by lane lines. The aggressive madness of the Kona swim is overwhelming to me. So! I went far left.

I floated and tried to save energy while treading water for 20 minutes. I found a few familiar friends ( Michelle and Nalani ) and talked about our swim plan. I held on a boat for a few seconds. With only minutes to go, the crowded slowly crept forward. The spaces closed in around me. Mike Reilly yelled to get back. You could feel the energy and anxiousness of everyone.

Now:

Close your eyes. Try to hear this. Try to feel it. If you were there or if you've been there, I know it'll bring it back in a second. If you don't understand why or what we do, please try to feel this. It's a big moment.

The helicopters were right over our heads....the loud whir of them drowning out my own thoughts. The famed announcer was sending words out to the crowd. I have heard them before but not that day. All I heard was the sound of the water churning. I heard my own heart beating. And, the drums. Behind us on the sea wall that was lined with family and friends, the Hawaiian drummers were adding to the emotions. They beat their drums over and over and over and over. It mixed with the whir of the helicopter, the announcer's voice, the screams from excited spectators, my heart beat.

Suddenly, without warning- BLAST- the cannon was shot and smoke blew into the air.
GO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

There's no more time to think. It's time to DO it! Just swim!!!!!

I started the swim feeling smug and strong. I was OK! Unlike 2009 when I thought I truly might drown in the frantic crowds, this time the start was manageable. I was touched but I was not shoved under. I was swimming my own pace. I wasn't trapped at a pace that felt slow and useless. Things were good and my Ironman start was positive. I tried not to stray towards the buoy line too soon. I wanted to swim straight and then get a bit closer after making the turn at the boat. There was one person that continuously grabbed my feet for the entire first 1.2 miles. I was entirely agitated. let GO of me! I tried to ignore and just keep swimming.............

I could see the orange buoys off to my right. I was in a good spot. Keep going. Eventually, the turn boat. As I made the corner, things grew tight. I could feel other swimmers closing in on me. And then, a HUGE dark mass moved below the water! I was startled and a bit stressed. It was only a few moments before I realized it was a scuba diver Not a great white shark. :) Good thing.just keep swimming....

The 2nd half of the swim was as bad as the first half was good. I found the other 1800 swimmers that I avoided at the beginning. Somehow, I wound up too close to the buoy line and in a mix of 100s of others. The grabbing, pushing, shoving, and kicking began. The sea was alive and well all week and on race day, while the swells were smaller, they were there. I was up and down and up and down. I drank gulp after gulp of very salty ocean. I tried not to think about the upset stomach that could haunt me from that. I talked relentlessly to myself about staying calm. And staying positive. However, it didn't work. I grew more and more annoyed. And discouraged. And tired. I felt sick. I had no energy. STOP GRABBING MY FEET! I was bugged. I stopped and did a few breaststrokes. What? what are you DOING Ange? I got mad. All those 4:30 a.m. trips to the pool. All those repeat 500s and 200s and 700s... for what? to get stuck in the middle of all these men with lousy strokes?? Seriously, why were they all men? And why can't they swim?? I'm kidding about that part but honestly, I saw some pathetic strokes and I was trapped. I could not get out of the way. Then, WHACK!!!!! My brain rattled. I stopped and ripped off my goggles. I was kicked SO hard in the eye that I nearly cried. I Did swear. And I Did stop. I was convinced I would either DNF or complete the remaining 138miles with a swollen black eye. I had a headache and was really in pain.

just keep swimming.....

ok, fine. I'll keep swimming.

My psyche was in the hole. I gave up a few times. where is the pier??? I have been in the SAME spot forEVER!!!!!!!!!!

I convinced myself I was still sick or that my illness did in fact zap my energy. I was done.

great way to start huh???

Alright, enough of that nonsense. I didn't travel to Hawaii to give up. To quit. To let one little set back get in my way. I remembered feeling pretty bad at the end of my LP swim too. I convinced myself it was ok and tried to rally. I pushed harder. I tried to surge and escape from my man trap. I broke free with only a bit to go. A woman! I found a pink cap! Ahh... don't get me wrong. I love men! :) Nothing wrong with men. But I am not a fan of the men I seem to get stuck swimming with in these things. Where are their manners? Haha..just kidding.

I could hear the announcer. The sound of the crowd filled my insides. I swam all the way in to avoid the dreaded sea urchins. YES! The Stairs!!!!

I was done. Thankgod. Time to move on.

I couldn't find the strap to my suit. I was sure it got pulled off. I stopped for a brief second under the fresh water hoses as I ran to T1. I hollered for Help getting the suit off.... I took 3 yells but finally a volunteer helped me unzip.

Swim time: 1:04

1:04??? Ugh. That's way way slower than my norm. Way slower. I guess it was rough? Crowded? Off course? who knows. But, I heard that many people had slow swims. I will let it go. But next time ? I plan to be faster. Period.

Before I knew it I was out of that looooong transition area and heading up Palani Rd with many many other bikes. It was crowded and within minutes I realized I was the slowest one out there.

stay in your own race Ange, just stay in your own race...

So so many men whizzed by me like I was standing still. It can be easy to get discouraged. I had to fight it. I had been instructed to push things a bit for the first 10 miles until we left town on the Queen K. I did just that. I rode strong and tried to ignore the fact that I didn't feel great. push it now, then get out on the long road and settle down....

I knew it might take a bit to warm up, to find my groove. We circled up and down a few roads close to the starting area. The streets are lined with spectators that we will soon miss. The Queen K is a long long lonely road and makes up 90% of the bike course. I heard Mark yell as I descended Palani the first time and when I climbed back up that road I saw him and the boys and we all yelled to each other. Comfort...such comfort in seeing family.

Now, it was time to dig deep and focus.

The ride out on the Queen K was fine. I drank and drank and drank more to erase the salty taste and thirst I acquired during the swim. Eventually, I realized I was overdrinking because my stomach and throat began to hurt. I felt full and nauseus. I had pain in my neck. Damn. Get on top of it Ange! I did a quick assessment of things and decided I could afford to hold back and let my stomach settle. If I messed up the nutrition, the day would not go the way I wanted it to go. Swim, bike, run, nutrition. All 4 are key.

And, let's not forget the psychology piece. It's a 5-part sport.

I rode and rode. I growled at a few large packs that went by. One included the winner of our age group last year. She went on to win this year too. How can she do that with a straight face? Ride clean folks... we're all in this together. There were many refs on the motorcycles out and I witnessed many yellow cards being handed out, and yet, the report is that there was a lot of drafting going on. It's a shame at an event of this caliber.

moving on....

My stomach settled and I was back on track with nutrition.

The sun was out in full force. I was hot. Very hot. I grabbed water every 7 miles and covered my body and head with it. I sipped it a few times then grabbed a bottle of Perform to carry on the bike. Just like Lake Placid...don't mess with the plan that worked.

The climb to Hawi was upon me before I knew it. And the winds of the Big Island did not disappoint. Eventually, I just had to laugh. I was slowed to a crawl and had to hold the bike for dear life. I attempted to ride in aero a few times just to be thrown around the road with the threat of landing in a bush. I decided not to fight nature and just sat up and pedaled with purpose to the 60 mile mark-the turnaround.

I rode over the blue timing mats, heard it beep, and smiled thinking of my friends back home and their awesome support as they watched.

Thanks guys!!!!!! I felt your love way out there!!

Back out of the wind tunnel... I was distracted by the beautiful ocean. The water was so blue and sparkly that day! focus ange focus.

The bike is the longest part of the day and yet I'm Happy to say, it went by the fastest that day!!! I had a great bike I think. I was steady and felt strong. After calming down on my crazy fluid consumption, my stomach settled and I felt good. I was hot and sweaty and the sun was beating down on me, and yet I kept my head calm about the heat and it never attacked me mentally. I cooled myself and took in the calories. I relaxed through the winds and didn't panic or fight it.

And that's that!!!

I hit the airport, rode by the Natural Energy Lab and had a moment of concern as I remembered ( ok, I never really forgot but things were getting close) that I still had to run 10 miles through town, and then another 8 out to the hot and hellish energy lab and then another 8 after that....

focus ange...just ride now...run soon.....

3+ more hours of work and then you rest. it's vacation. the beach awaits....

focus. Keep your head on.

It was my mission that day. I was on a mission to stay in control of myself and finish what I set out to do.

I took my feet out of my shoes as I approached Palani. I did Not want to run that Long transition run in my bike shoes this time. I decided to be a big girl and act like the experienced triathlete that I am and get the feet out of the shoes! ( aren't you proud Kurt!? :) ) I handed my bike to a volunteer at the dismount line and without looking back, I was off for my run bag. (bike split 5:37. Exactly the Same as Lake Placid!!?? interesting. I hit my watt range Exactly too. VI 1.04. I guess I was where I needed to be. Let's see what's next.)

Ouch!!

I was crouched over and in pain. My feet killed. I've been fighting a bad case of plantar fasciitis since Lake Placid and it reared it's ugly head on that transition run. Why do they make it SO long?? It was brutal. I felt horrible. Hot, tired, in pain, and ....thats' about it!

A marathon?

really???

Into the run change tent. I had a great volunteer who was super helpful. Someone else came over and started gobbing sunscreen on my back and arms. I changed my shorts, dried my waterlogged feet and grabbed my run socks and shoes, I stuffed gels in my bra, put on my hat and....made a quick bathroom trip. It was conveniently right in front of my seat so that was handy.

I took an excederin to mask my headache ( that always happens) and grabbed a cup of water as I ran out.

This is it. This is where it either all comes together...

or not.

It's Make or break now Ange. What are you going to do? Are you going to give in to the pain? the fatigue? the desire to just slow down or...stop? Are you going to say, "It's ok, it's been a long season. You can't have your best race Every time...."

or are you going to choose to win. Are you going to choose to fight all the demons that are creeping into your brain now? Are you going to fight harder than you've had to fight ever before. Sure.... you're worn out. You've worked so intensely for 12 months now without a break. You've won what you needed to win to get here. That's good enough. Isn't it?

NO!!!!!!!!

I came to do it again! I ran down Ali'i Drive determined to finish the job. To get to the finish line with the success I wanted. Let's go...

Around mile 5 I finally saw my family again. I had been waiting and waiting to see them.

Mark yelled and came close? "How are you???"

I was good. I was right on pace. My legs felt strong. My foot didn't hurt. My stomach was cooperating. But, my head was faltering. I was looking for strength. All I said was, "I'm trying to keep my head in the game. I'm trying..."

I turned around down the road and ran by them one more time. The next time I'd see them would be at the finish. I smiled ( I think?) and waved goodbye. I couldn't wait to play in the water with the kids. I couldn't wait for that post-Ironman hug that Mark is so good at.

Time to dig deep. It was about to get tough.

Off I went. Back down Ali'i. I had 5 more miles in town before heading back into the Lava fields. I heard Mike Reilly annoucing the Pro men as the finished. I felt jealous. I yelled to spectators, "who won??" Craig Alexander. Yes! I smiled and headed out on Hualalai road ( is that right? it starts with an H, I know that much) and to the short stretch of Kuakini hwy before the climb up Palani to the queen K. I took short easy steps up the hill. Just like the lake placid hill....save your quads just like Kurt said... easy up the hilll...

I was hot. And I was struggling. It was time to rally.

I headed up the long gradual hill that led us towards the Natural energy lab on the Queen K. I watched Chrissie Wellington FLY by me towards her 4th win. Amazing. The last time I had seen her was on the bike and she was way way behind. Minutes later, I watched Mirinda Carfrae run by me with a look of total grit and fight. She was pushing so incredibly hard. Rockstars.

I ran and ran. The more I ran, the better I felt. I felt strong and solid. I took in plenty of gels and perform at every aid station. I filled my clothes with ice, dumped water on my neck, and rubbed sponges on my face. I was increasingly excited. I was making it happen. I was right on pace. I wasn't faltering and I became more and more sure of myself.

Women around me started talking with their supporters on the road and a few with each other. They were discussing their places. One talked about being 2nd in her age, another was trying to fight her way into 5th. Wait a minute.

If they are that far up in their age groups, what about me? Where was I? Did I have a shot? Could I make the podium here?? In 2009 I think I placed in the 30s for my age group. I was Not in contention. But wait....maybe this year was different?

I started noticing numbers on other people's arms. I saw some that were close to mine. I ran them down. Knock them off... I want it.. I'm getting that spot... I ran harder and harder. ( or so I thought...)

Next thing I knew, I was climbing out of the energy lab.

Woah.

It's hot. It's very very hot. I was taking shallow deliberate breaths. It was hard to get enough air. Where did the air go? Just keep moving.... keep moving... .do not walk do not walk. Keep breathing. A few more steps and you can get water.

Thankfully, I did reach that aid station at the top of that road. I grabbed the table and held on. I tried not to stop long. I dumped water and filled my shirt with ice.

Just go.

7 miles Ange and then you rest.

The work is not done. A little more work and then it's time to celebrate.

It's all you now. It's all about your head.

Did I have it? Did I have what it would take?

The wheels were falling off. All of a sudden I was in a hole. I could feel myself glaze over. I had that look that people talk about. I was not on the same road as the others next to me. I was in my own space. I was still running and I was heading towards town but I was far far away in my head.

I had flashes of the season. Some from races, some from training. And some of my thoughts were just the kids or Mark or others that have given me strength along the way.

Why do I do this? If there's so much suffering and pain?

Because of what happens next....

I ran mile to mile. I was more focused than ever before. I was reaching inward to a place I didn't know I had. I wanted it. I wanted it so much. Not just the finish line-- I wanted it all. I wanted all that I had set out to do. It was mine to win or mine to loose.

Did I have it?

Damn straight. I didn't get this far to let it slip away.

I took a right onto Palani drive. This was it. I hollered out loud as my quads screamed with each downhill step.

I didn't expect it, but right at the bottom of the hill I heard Mark. And then I saw him and my kids. He snapped 20 photos in 2 minutes and they are nearly all blurry. But it's ok, because we were both blurry. Without any warning, I started to cry. He hollered louder and louder and I threw my hands in the air in total joy. Only a mile or so to go... I was doing it. I was smashing those demons that tried to stop me that tried to slow me down.

This is the bottom of the hill on Palani...I'm not even at the finish yet and already felt total happiness.

I ran down towards Ali'i Drive. I can't describe that finish line in a way that will do it justice. It's nearly 3/4 of a mile ( or more? maybe less) down a road that is a tunnel. The crowds fill the roads so there's only a small narrow aisle for the athletes to finish on. Everyone is screaming your name and slapping your hands. Your 140.6 mile race is almost complete. You made it and the emotions are totally and utterly overwhelming. At least, they are for me. I broke into a faster run and passed a few more people, including a girl in my age group. Still racing!

I crossed the line with pride and a smile. Two for two. I conquered both my Ironmans and validated that Lake Placid race and made it happen again. I'm so excited and can't wait for more.

Final time -- 10:25

run 3:34

7th age group-- Almost a podium spot! Yes!
and one more thing.... I was 2nd amateur at Lake Placid. The woman who beat me Crushed that course and is an incredible athlete. However, I was pretty psyched to learn that I beat her in Kona. That, felt cool.

HUGE Mahalos ( thank yous!) to Mark, Cameron, Tommy, and Nick (my super awesome supportive family), to my parents who are my biggest fans and have supported me my WHOLE life, Kurt- my amazing coach who successfully guided me through these two great Ironmans, my sponsor Norway Savings bank for the much needed financial support, my best friend Mary - what can I say? we are in this together girlfriend!, and all my incredible friends who have been such special cheerleaders and support all the time!

And that's that!!!! thanks for reading!

A few more photos of the day...

( I can't seem to move them to put them in order! )

( this is early on... I couldn't move this photo to save my life..)

The finish...

done!

the boat I grabbed a few times before the start...

Kona- More photo fun. Race report coming soon!!

2011-10-16T07:29:00.000-07:00

We arrived home yesterday afternoon after travelling for nearly 24 hours and sleeping none of them. (Ok, maybe 20 min here and there. But that is IT!) We were all in some sort of fog yesterday but we did make it to Tommy's soccer game, Mark mowed the lawn, I went to the grocery store, we cooked a big healthy meal and then finally, bed. To lay flat on my bed rather than torqued in an airplane seat felt Amaaaaaaaaaazing. In fact, it is still feeling amazing to my kids because Nick and Tommy are STILL in bed! It's 10:00! Unreal. Poor Cam was plucked out of his at 8:30 in order to get to a soccer game.

I am almost ready to spend time relivving my race day and putting it into words. I need a period of uninterrupted writing to do that so I may need to wait for the kids to go back to school tomorrow. It's coming.... I can't wait to get it on paper so I can look back at the memories of the day. For now, here are more photos from our wonderful vacation in Hawaii. Maine in October is probably my favorite place on earth. The sky juggles between bright sun and dark shades of purple. The leaves are colorful on the trees and crunchy on the ground. The air is crisp and homes are cozy inside. That said, the white sands, clear surf, bright sun and relaxed mood on the Kona Coast were the perfect recovery for what's been an intense 12 months for me. Starting last October, I have been training hard. First, I prepped for a January marathon. Then I moved immediately into Ironman Lake Placid training. After a 3-4 day rest following that insanely awesome race, I hit the roads to get this body ready for the 'big show' in Kona last week. ahhh..... you can be sure I relaxed as intensely as I trained over the past week. I slept a lot, drank some, ate too much with very little focus on healthy foods, and cleared my mind. When looking at these pictures I think you can see how that might have been easy to do where I was lucky enough to hang out last week!!!

Now, back to reality. The air is cool, my tan is fading and the 'to do' list is growing. I'm happy to be home. And I was so so lucky to be in Hawaii.

This captures how I spent days 1,2, 3 post-race. I couldn't walk anyway and my ankles/feet/legs were totally swollen so hey, why not just lay in the sand and chill, right? (Hapuna Beach)

Tommy ran and splashed the Entire week.

This has to be our favorite shot. Tommy and Nick. Nick is the upside down boy with frog legs. This photo is hysterical when you zoom in close. The water doesnt' even look deep enough there for him to be in this position! It captures their fun pretty well I think.

This is a beach we found in 2009. You must drive ~2 miles over lava rocks to find it. It's remote and quiet. The sand is speckled with coral everywhere...

Tommy cruised around looking for more giant sea turtles. He popped his head up periodically for air, just like the turtles.

Proof that I just sat around with my feet in the sand.

The snorkel beach south of Kona that we drove to one day. You enter by jumping off the shore that is actually lava. I can't remember the name of it... I'll find it later. We found that we saw the most fish and turtles right out the door of our condo at Kahaluu beach.

driving down a long long road to one of the black sand beaches.

All 4 of my boys playing in the surf.

Nick was dwarfed by most of the waves.

FUN! ( mark and Nick)

My last day on the island. Mary and I relaxed and discussed our big days.

I love this because it shows how clear the water was.

the Family...

Our last breakfast at Lava Java... I miss that place already. Yum!!!

We cruised around in a cool red jeep all week...the boys took every opportunity to climb out and sit on top.

My favorite beach...

Tommy- an outside meal at the Canoe Club

Hawaii Ironman 2011

2011-10-10T11:41:00.000-07:00

I have so many stories. I have so much to write about. For now, a few photos and a few words will have to do. I am on vacation in beautiful Hawaii with my amazing family and we're packing up for a day on some tropical beach somewhere off the Queen K.

Saturday was a day I will never forget. So many things went right. And yet, I had to dig deeper than ever before. Ironman racing is a day that is constantly evolving. It's a day that requires extreme confidence and focus. You must prepare your body for months and months but if your mind is not prepared for the challenge, it is over for you. It's a long grueling day. When all is said and done, I absolutely love it.

Trying to find words to describe my WHY is tricky. Why do I do this? I will tell my story over the coming days but you might need to read between the lines to understand my why. It's in there. If you listen carefully, you'll get it.

Here's how the day turned out in numbers.

Overall time: 10:26 7th in my age group, 4th American finisher in my age group.
swim 1:04, bike 5:37, run 3:34

I finished a full hour faster than when I raced here in 2009. I was only 7 min behind my time in Lake Placid a few months ago. To say I am happy and satisfied with this is an understatement. I'm absolutely ecstatic with my performance. I finished with pride and a smile just like I promised my Dad I would.

A few photos until I sit for more stories another time.

4:30 a.m -heading to the race. Aren't my boys awesome!

getting close....

Running to the finish...

watching Mom for hours and hours and hours....

I Feel GOOD!!!!

2011-10-06T14:50:00.000-07:00

Those sick days earlier this week are in the past and I am ready to race!!!! My workouts are done and the bags are about to be packed. I swam this morning and felt smooth. Just now I ran a quick little jaunt down Ali'i Drive and felt awesome. Fresh, light, fast and excited. I am here to knock off another 140.6 and then dig out the snorkel!!!

Race # is ready for me!!

The underwear run this morning on Alii.

The boys and I had breakfast at Lava Java.

I made small talk with last year's World Champ.

Cam and Tommy in their new Ironman hats and free shades. :)

A few shots as we drove around.

The guys spent the evenings writing about and drawing fish in their journals.

I'm feeling the pre-race nerves and getting ready to hit the lava fields. Can't wait to get this party started.

It's a new day!!!

2011-10-05T19:23:00.000-07:00

Our 2nd day in Kona has been a great day!! Why?? Mostly because I do NOT have a fever!!!!! It's been since Saturday night and I am ecstatic to say I think I am finally almost Better!!!! Phew. Huge giant sigh of relief.

Alright then.... back to the race. My mind has been distracted a bit. Maybe that's a good thing?

First.... I woke up at 4:00 a.m. Not on purpose. Guess I'm still stuck on Maine time a bit. I met Mary for a swim in Kailua bay. This shot doesnt' tell the story. The swells were Huge today!!!! They were breaking over the wall as I walked over and I knew something was up. Standing on the beach it was hard to have solid footing. We were swept off our feet and finally decided it was 'safer' to just swim. I rode a few massive swells out in that sea and was glad they didnt' carry me into the rocks. We're not at Crescent Beach anymore!! ( for those of you who know Maine...)

Then I picked up my bike and went for a short ride on the warm and windy Queen K.

Later in the day, we all strolled back to Dig me beach. The boys were Thrilled with the giant waves crashing over the wall and spent a few minutes Trying to get soaked. They were successful.

I found Marni!!!!! Great to see her again. She's going to crush the race on Saturday!

Can you see the Gheko? They provide Lots of entertainment for my 3 boys. This one is on our lanai.

we walked around the expo, got fruit at a farmer's market, they got ice cream and I got a decaf iced coffee at a little shop, and now I'm chillin' and they're searching for more turtles down at the beach. Getting close!!!!

Surf's Up!

2011-10-04T20:01:00.000-07:00

As I sit here on my bed in beautiful Kona, Hawaii I am mixed with emtions. Of course I am! I'm racing in the Ironman World championships on Saturday! (gulp, or am I?) yes, I am.

Backing up.... our trip went well. The five of us travelled for 21 hours yesterday. We left home at 6:30a.m. and shut our lights off at 3:00 a.m. Maine time. It was only 10 p.m. Hawaii time, thankfully. Our condo is gorgeous. The sun is shining. The south swells are moving in ( per a local friend who knows these things) so the surf is huge and sadly, the water's not quite as clear as it can and will be again during this trip. Nonetheless, my boys are ecstatic with the lizards that crawl around like Maine squirrels, the birds that are flying all over our lanai, and especially the oodles of giant Honu ( sea turtles!) they swam with all morning at the beach across the road from us. Nick told me he even saw a fish just like the black and white striped one in the fish tank on Finding Nemo. Cool.

I'm doing my best too. But, life has thrown me a curveball. Likely the most expensive flu/cold/ who knows what bug of my life. Last Thurs I found a little cough. Friday it got worse. Saturday, the same. Saturday night, off to bed early because I felt off. Sunday......down and out. On the couch start to finish with 101+ fever. Monday... I travelled. I was good to go for the first half of the day. And then, it came back. Damn. I got hotter and hotter. The walls of the plane closed in on me. I nearly had a panic attack at one point I was so sickly hot in my own skin and trapped on a plane with NO room.

I woke up the morning, and it was nice and low. The cough is embarassing. It's nasty and mean. I try to hide it when it rears it's head. yes, I am here to race an Ironmnan. yes, I know I can't race if I'm sick. it'll be gone it'll be gone it'll be gone.......

I felt good for most of today. I started the day with a beautiful swim!! Michelle Simmons and I swam together and I felt super.

Here we are before we started!! I had a SPLISH On too!!! Tomorrow I leave the Torque home and model a fun suit too.

Some time after my bike/ run workout I started to feel a bit off again. Sure enough, I was warm. Damndamndamn....

So, here I lay. I've had too many vitamins to count. I've tried all I can try. Now, I just wait and pray.

I am ready to race. I'm excited to race. I just hope I Can race. I'm getting a little nervous about it. But, I'll stay optimistic.

I saw Macca and Michelie Jones. I saw the Lovatos and Farris Al Sutan. It's very cool here and I'm really excited to be back.

Send me healthy vibes please!!!
thanks!
more tomorrow....

Countdown

2011-09-22T07:03:00.000-07:00

Every time I log onto the ironman site for the race, that giant countdown clock stares me in the face. I do not like that clock. I prefer to think of time in weeks...not days. I don't know why. It's comforting for some reason.

Life has been super busy lately. So busy that I am just going to through a few thoughts down right now.
First, I have a cold. That's bothering me. It can't get worse. It' can't. I'm fighting with all the little get rid of a cold quick tricks I know. My boys have all been sick and what worries me, is it's turned into a respiratory thing that doens't quit. I can NOT get that!!! I won't. If I can fight to the end of an Ironman, I can fight off a damn cold virus.

I'm gettting nervous. My mind races between total confidence and then back to self- doubt. This is normal. I just need to get my emotions in check as Coach Kurt would say.

When I was running the other day, I started thinking about how lucky I am. This is a hard journey, but it's well worth it in the end. And I am very grateful for the chance to do this. So, to say thanks to a few but not all of my help along the way....

Thanks Mark. You really are the best. You never ever EVER give me a hard time about a single aspect of this sport. I hear stories from others..... people with less than supportive or understand spouses. You are not that way. For some reason, you totally get it. You accept it. You even seem to enjoy it! Thank you for never grumbling at the cost of this trip or the gear or the fees. You never grumble when I got to bed early day after day or act cranky because I've done 14 hrs of training in 3 days and feel tired. You always tell me I'm going to crush the race, you always tell me to do my workout whenever it's best for me. You're just the best. Thanks babe. I will do my best to make you boys all proud of me out there. I'll do my best to make this trip worth it.

Thanks Mom and Dad. You guys got me started in all this!! You taught me something that is what makes all of this work. To never ever give up. Never quit. If you start something, you finish it and you do it as well as you can. Period. I know what it takes to follow your kids around at their sporting events. I love it and I know you've loved it too. But you started about 33 years ago and are STILL doing it!!!! thank you. I love having you there.

Thanks Cameron, Tommy and Nicholas!! I love you all. You're super little Tri-kids and you get it too. I will be so proud to round the corner on Ali'i drive and have you there this time. I work to do anything I set my mind to in life and that is exactly what I want you boys to know. You can too!! Just go for it! You are so cool about dealing with a Mommy that's crazed and busy and running around training hard.
Thank you for all the hugs and cheers and smiles. We're going to have a great trip!!!

Thanks Mary. We've been in this together for a long time now. We talk it all out. We commisurate and celebrate together. It means the world to have a friend like you to share this with.

Thanks Kurt. You're guidance has helped me have a tremendous season. I love that I can keep getting faster at this old age. You're always there to say the right things and give me the best advice. thanks for taking me on!!!

Thanks Jen. Your coaching for the few years before was wonderful for me. Our relationship worked and you propelled to where I am now. thank you for all that 1:1 time!!!

And yeah, thanks body. You're putting up with a lot lately!! I'm refusing to let you get old and weak. I'll fight that for years and years to come. thanks for allowing me to say NO when you tell me to STOP. I'm about to push you harder than you think possible, once again. And together, mind and body, we'll crush that course covered in simmering lava. We're ready.

let's do it!

Just below the surface

2011-09-07T13:54:00.000-07:00

I discovered something today.

My emotions about this little Ironman out on that Big Island in the Pacific are

just below the surface.

Wow. I had no idea. I hopped on my trainer today. For two reasons. #1- My son is home sick. I know! Already? He had perfect attendance last year! Bummer and #2 It was 55 degrees and pouring.

That's all irrelevant. I was on the trainer. I had to watch some TV for my 90 min ride. News? Days of our Lives? Cooking show ( never while training..), I know! Ironman! My Taped 2010 Hawaii Ironman show.
Perfect. I've seen it at least 10 times.

__________________

People staggering across the Queen K, falling to mush on Alii Drive, the swim start.
My insides churned. I saw the Hill on Palini.
I gripped the bars.

I listened to the Pros tell their introductions about the brutality of that day.
They showed the mass of legs under the water. The quiet gurgle before it starts. The nerves on the athletes faces.
And then, BAM!
the Cannon

And you know what I did? Without even thinking about it or realizing it was coming? I Sobbed!!!! What? I instantly broke into a huge cry. My emotions burst out.

I'm GOING BACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Of course, I knew this. I have known is since around 5:00 on July 24th. Or maybe even a few hours before that. But now.....now it's real. It's close. It's inevitable. I am going to race through those intense lava fields, into the Energy lab, through those insanely scary waters...one month from tomorrow!!!
Is this real?
Can I do it again? Can I repeat the Ironman I had just over a month ago? Or atleast do as well? Am I ready?
The best in the world go to Kona. The fastest and strongest and fittest Ironman racers all meet up. And I need to be ready to join them.

I had visions of this:

I want all that back again.
I can't wait and yet....I'm scared too.
Ironman is close again.

My head is in the game and my focus is getting sharper.

Countdown.....

Swirling, panicking, rearranging, regrouping and not quitting

2011-08-29T12:43:00.000-07:00

That's me right now. Trying not to quit. I'm trying trying not to give up and quit.

why?
Jury duty. I had the next month planned. It was all set. I was ready to put the kids back in school, clean up the summertime bags, and train my heart out.

Last week I escaped from real life for 3 days with my husband and our two great friends. Their anniversary was yesterday and ours is today ( 13 years! ) so we decided to head off for a little getaway. It was a blast. We went to Newport, RI. The days were spent, dancing, eating, laying on the beach, lounging in a rooftop hot tub, laughing about many things and not fixing snacks for the 5 boys we have between us. It was blissful.

On Saturday and Sunday I paid dearly for my choice to sleep in. I needed to sleep in however. While our time in Rhode Island was a blast, we were up quite late and I was wiped when we got home. I don't think I budged Friday night once I hit the pillow from 9:30-8:30. Ahhh...those mornings are rare. However, I had a 4 hr ride + run + swim and my family took off for the island. ( our camp)   I didn't show up on the dock until almost 4:00!! Torture. I hate missing Saturdays. We tied down boats, took in the toys and crossed our fingers as Hurricane Irene blew north.

Sunday morning, I slept late again. It felt sooooo good to turn the clock around and leave the alarm off!!! But.... by the time I got up and ready for my 90 min run, the skies were swirling. The rain came in bursts. I headed out and by the time I was 1/2 mi from home it Opened up. Serious serious downpours. It was comical actually. It's just beyond normal rain. But then, it mellowed. Then, I was making a turn and caught something out of the corner of my eye. A Skunk!!! Why? Aren't they nocturnal??? Why was this guy up? Some guy saw me stop in my tracks and hollered to me from his window. "Everything ok???" I gave him the thumbs up and told him I just had a skunk to dodge. Forget the hurricane, I didn't want to get sprayed!

I got by the skunk and then the rain came again and came on hard. Then the winds got narly. I was pushed back and forth. My 7:30 effort read 9:00 on the garmin. Lovely. I just ran round and round so I could be close to home in case it got too wild. It was tolerable for the most part until the sky got Very dark and a massive thunder rumbled. I flew home. Giant crackling lightning hit and more thunder. Good timing.

The day was a bit wild but not too bad. My family headed out for school supplies and groceries. Once home, the lights flickered. Mabye 5 x over an hour. I hurried to vacuum, do laundry, choose 1st day of school outfits.

And then, Crack! We heard somethind it was down for the count. The lights went off.

They just came back on a few hours ago. Fun Stuff. The first day of school was cancelled. Snow day. August 29th and we've used 1 of our 6 snow days. Pretty comical.

Thirteen years ago right now, Mark and I had just said our I-Dos. We had a great wedding. It was a blast. The best day of my life for sure. Of course, I delivered 3 babies and those days top all but without my wedding to Mark, those babies wouldn't be here! So.... our wedding remains #1.   Our marriage is great and of course, like any other, requires work. It requires patience and sacrifice too. Just like they say, it's not easy. And yet, in the big picture, it's pretty easy to be married to Mark. I'm lucky.

However, instead of today being a romantic celebration of that best day of my life, we started it without electricity and 3 boys staring at me with that "what do we do today" look.

It was supposed to be a school day guys! A day for Mom to regroup after one helluva fun yet onthego summer.

I decided to take them for new books at the bookstore with a coupon Tommy won at school last year. And Cameron to Olympia to spend his birthday gift cert from our friends. On the way, I got the mail. And my panic attack began.

jury duty - please report september 14th.

NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

and....they may use me 15 days???!!!!!

No need to tell me that it's my civic duty and all that. I'm fine with that. I requested a change of date. She barely looked at me. I explained that my huband is out of town for a week during that time and I have no other childcare for my 3 kids. Big deal. Yeah, big deal. They're my Kids! And, I explained that I will be leaving for a giant trip before that time period is over. Whatever lady.

People ask me how I manage all this training. I work from home. I train in the wee hours of the day. I balance it by getting things done while the boys are at school so I am not absent all weekend. My husband runs a business and is often gone until 9-10 p.m. and he leaves by 7 a.m. each day. I am the one here. This duty starts as he departs for a week. So, I have no available wee hours or after duty hours. I have no after school childcare before I am their after school child care. And yet, this duty goes until 5:00. Cool. That weekend, I am coaching a soccer game for our youngest. My oldest has a game out of town that same day. My middle and oldest both have games on Sunday. And yet, they are in different towns at different times. And now, I'll need to fit in nearly 11 hours of training those two days. With my husband out of town. Hmmm....

Last spring, I was mailed questionnaire about jury duty. I had a feeling it was imminent. I was clear and said, "I would be happy to serve. Please give me any dates after October 17th."
Yeah, September 14th. Thanks guys.

So....
I cried. And I panicked. And I decided I was screwed and my race on the Big Island wasn't to be. I need the hours to train if I'm to do well. It's the final two weeks and they've stolen my time. All so I can sit and decide why someone did or did not do something terribly wrong.
That just feels wrong to me.

Now, I'm a bit less panicked but more irritated.   I am guessing there are many who just try to get out of it. People who are dishonest. I am being 100% honest and willing to serve, just simply a few weeks later.

Trying not to let my head swirl too much. Instead, I will do what I can do.

It Will be ok. As Nick told me, in his 7 year old wiseness, "Mommy. It'll be ok. Things always seem to be ok and work out."

Why is it that kids are so smart?

USAT Age Group Nationals

2011-08-22T10:23:00.000-07:00

Burlington didn't let me down. Mostly because I exited the water to the familar and comforting voices of my husband and one of my dearest college girlfriends, Martha. It was a great start.
I guess I should back up a bit.
I'm not going to get too into the nitty gritty of this race. I don't have tons to say to be honest. I was unsure what I'd be able to do on that day. I wasn't about to claim I was unfit or talk too much about this new foot injury I'm dealing with. But the truth is, I have spent a lot of time resting since Lake Placid. After all, that is exactly what I needed to do. I also spent a week or so nursing a pretty impressive case of plantar fasciitis. It's annoying. That stuff aside, I am fit. After all, I raced a solid Ironman less than a month ago and my fitness is super deep from that. I'm experienced and I love to compete. So, I put aside my insecurities about this day and just went for it.
The boys and I drove to VT on Friday. We got ourselves settled in the hotel, met up with Mary and Steve at the expo, we racked our bikes, nearly ran out of gas, had dinner with the kids, Steve, Kurt and Mary and then finally found my husband at a secret little airport just out of town.
That was that. Time to race.

I admit to being a little surprised at how big the race was. I don't know why it surprised me. But there were tons of people there. It was hard to find my friends. But I did manage to see most of them. I met a few cool new people, reunited briefly with Kari that I met at AZ training camp in 2010, and even somehow found my gang of boys before the start.

The swim start was strange. It was aggressive and crowded. I got clawed by some woman for a long time and finally decided to KICK her off me. I was highly irritated. I swam and swam. From time to time I realized I was in Ironman pace lala land and reminded myself to get Moving! I caught a few waves that went off before us ( my age was wave 11!!) and got caught up in that cluster. A little commentary. I know that we have drafting perks by starting with big groups and in back, but I am convinced I could pull off a much more impressive swim time if given the chance to swim a course without weaving in and out of so many others. I had to stop and do breaststrokes multiple times because of the huge clusters of people. Whatever, it's part of the sport.
The water was refreshing and clean and cool. I swam fairly hard into the chute. I was stroke for stroke with a few other red caps in my wave.
Out of the water and as I said, I hear Martha!! and Mark! I hadn't seen Marty in years but I knew it was her and it made my day. She's an old college swim team friend and we heard many GO GO GO screams from each other over the years. I recognized her yells in a second.

I struggled to get the wetsuit off. I'm just lousy at that. It was the only race I had to do it myself for all summer! No practice = lousy technique. remember that Ange and practice.

Off on the bike.
Yup.... I'm riding. Come ON body. GO! It took me a while to warm up. I felt ....fair. Not bad, not good, just...fine.
I was having fun riding through Burlington though!
I turned onto Spear Street and started to smile.
Because within a very short time I saw more of my Girls!!! Kath was holding a big sign and all I could read was MAINE. But I knew....
HEY! I hollered to them and instantly Wendy, Kath, Gina, and a few other ladies started jumping around and cheering!!
THAT is why I wanted to race this race so much. My college years in B'town were some of the best of my life because I honestly had ( still have ) the worlds most devoted and loyal and honest best friends. These women are the kind of women that are there for you come hell or high water. I might 1, 3 or even more years without seeing them and it makes No difference. It's just like it was yesterday back on south Union street when we are together again. I smiled for miles after riding by them. They all dropped everything on their Saturday to be out there for me.
Thanks girls. It meant a lot.
I rode and rode and felt fast and strong here and there.
At mile 13 ish we made this crazy hairpin turn. I saw teammate Carrie on the move. Before I could even think about it, she flew by me. Go Carrie!!! I yelled 'good job' and hope she heard me.

There were some faaaaaaaaaaaaaast women out there. I must say.
Finally, around mile 17 or so, I felt pretty good! I was warmed up! The problem? It was ending at mile 24+. Oh well.
The last .5 or so was a cluster. I could barely ride it was so crowded. I know I lost a little time there.

It was kind of hard for me to get into the mode of FAST moving everything. Ironman is so methodical. I went fast through things but allowed myself time to think too. Not in an Oly.
I was in and out for the run and feeling pretty good.
I heard Martha a few more times though T2.

The boys and Mark were on the big hill out of the run. I high 5'd them and headed off. I felt fine! Actually, I felt good!
I hit the flat and just cruised. I maintained a sub 6:40 pace with what seemed like little effort.
Ok, don't get me wrong Kurt. I used a Lot of effort that day. that's not what I mean... but it did feel easy.

After a couple miles, I could see Carrie up ahead. I felt myself catching up. There were tons of people on the roads... I picked them off one by one. A few men flew by as if they were running the 400 yard dash and all I could think was, "where have they been??" Strange.
I passed Carrie back at mile 3 or so. She looked strong and was having a great day.

And then, before I knew it, I could hear the finish line. I cruised in as fast as I could. Until, some chick came up beside me. Damn. I totally cranked my head over to read her leg. All I saw was a 4---. that's MY group! nope. Sorry hun...I have a little in the tank. I sprinted even more and saved my spot.
6th in the age group.
total time 2:16
swim- 22:xx bike 1:09xx run 41:xx.... I am not sure of the exact seconds.
but I'm happy!!! My run was great and I made top 10 for this big race full of lots of hot shots.
The rest of the day was perfect!!!! The girls and I gathered our families and spent the afternoon on Lake Champlain at one of their family's homes. It was just right.

______________________________

Speed laces!

2011-08-18T12:05:00.000-07:00

Summer summer summer. It's been a wild and crazy one for the Bancrofts this year. Loads and loads of fun. That also equals loads and loads of laundry and packing and rarely more than 3 days in the same place. Today is another pack day. The kids have learned all too well what that means. They get their little list from me: 2 x underwear, 3 x socks, 1 nice outfit, 3 tshirts, 3 shorts, bathing suit...and on and on. I wish my list was that simple. This time, we're packing up for another race. Surprisingly, this is only my 3rd race of the summer!! When you train for and travel to an Ironman, it seems like more. This race is new and exciting for me. It's at UVM!!! Ok, it's not at UVM but it's in Burlington which is my old college town. Some of the best years of my life were there. I had ( still have ) the best friends from those years and a handful of those lovely ladies still live there!! I can't wait. But, wait, I do need to race first. This isn't straight back to partying in my college town.
So, I am digging out the piles of gear that were shoved aside from Lake Placid. Honestly, I haven't looked at some of that stuff since July 24th at oh...about 7 p.m. How does one pack for a short distance Tri? What do I need. I sat and stared at my stuff for way too long this morning. I have no idea if I have what I need.
For that matter, I have no idea if my body can do what it needs to do for a race moving race like this!!! I'm nervous about that. The quick hard intervals I've tried to dig out of myself this past week have huuuurt. Oh boy. They hurt bad. And, what's worse? I was pushing that intensity for about 6 minutes. Not an hour +! And that's just the bike! Despite that, I am excited. I'm feeling fired up to see what I can yank from deep inside on this one.
USAT Age Group nationals moved from Alabama to Burlinton, Vermont this year. How could I pass that up?? It's in my backyard! A 3 1/2 hour drive is like my back yard when it comes to big races. So, even though it's a wee bit too soon to ask my body to fire up and go Faaaast after that little 140.6 last month, I'm going for it. And at the last minute this morning, as I grabbed my running shoes, I remembered: Speed Laces! close one

Instead of on short course racing- here's a snapshot of where my mind's been since Ironman.

playing in the rain after dinner

These are the stairs leading from our dock to the camp at our Island. They grew steeper the week after Lake Placid.

Wolf Neck wharf jumping. A sunset swim with the cousins.

My little boy-- doesn't get any better than jumping in the mud flats.

Nick's smile wins me over.

Nick's first jet ski lesson from Daddy

The day in pictures and a few thoughts to go with them...

2011-08-03T05:22:00.000-07:00

Here are a few shots from the Lake Placid through the eyes of my husband. More to come....
I can't stop reliving that day so bear with me through a few more posts on Lake Placid. The transition to Kona training is underway.....

Tommy's awesome sign. I have great kids. (these are out of order..)

The scene all along the roads of Lake Placid

My Neice Audrey wrote this. Her Mom found it in her room the night after the Ironman race.

our kitchen---note the cool pink poster on the door. It was a "surprise" from my 'big kid' that said,"Get out there and KICK BUTT! from Cam"

Ange and Mary--the drop off on race morning. No turning back now. Thanks for the early morning ride hun.

Left-Right: Cameron, neice Audrey, Nick, twin nephews Jack & Griffin, and Tommy (wake up Tommy!! :) ) The BEST crew of IronKids ever!! thanks for all the cheers guys!

The hug 'goodbye'. My husband rocks as Iron spectator. He really really does. 100% all day long for me. Ok, there were many days before that too. And after.

gives you an idea of the masses

The two separate entrances: one for wetsuit wearing racers and one for non-wetsuit racers

My boys

Isn't this the best sign!!! Thanks Small Family!!! xoxo

making my way through town -loop1 I'm sure. I'm still looking like I know how to run. Not sure what loop 2 Looked like but I know how I felt.

Nick's read: Your Gunnu win this thing! love Nick GOGOGO! I just love the way they held them over the fence for us to read on our way by.

Post-race with great friend Bob Turner who had a fantastic day himself.

On the podium- 40-44 yr age group 1st place. Mary two over in 5th place

post-race with coach Kurt Perham. Thanks soooo much Kurt!!!!

Ange and Mark- love you!

The dust is settling on this race. The soreness has dissipated. (does that work Mike? heheee-inside joke-nevermind) The bags are slowly but surely getting unpacked. My bike is washed. The excitement is, ok, that's not gone. I remain overly thrilled with how my Ironman turned out. I'm actually in a bit of shock over it too. Did I really do that? I think I sort of transform when I get out on the race course. My body responds and does what I ask it to do and my mind goes to a place that is reserved only for racing. I become aggressive nothing is going to stop me ange. I finish my race, I go back to my home with my family, and I wonder what just happened. I feel somewhat like one of the many movie characters that have two personas. You know, the ones that only have a foggy memory of how they became that crazy person who did thisthatandtheotherhing in their spare time.
Yeah, I kind of feel likek that. Who was that person? Was that really me? Because,right now, I sure dont' feel like I did or could run another 10:19 Ironman.

And yet, in 9 weeks, or is it 8 1/2 now, I will be toeing the line again. This time I'll be half a world away. I'll be in the water with 1800 other athletes that did what I did to get there. The World Championships.
Yowza.
Time to get ready!!!
Except, I need to recover too.
This is a hard place to be. I'm hearing about all my friends from around the U.S. who are in midst of crazy Ironman training! They're riding 120 miles. They're running for hours and logging miles and miles each week.
I ran 30 min the other day! And it felt Bad! I did swim twice this week though!! That's ok!!
Alright... don't worry. I DO know that this is absolutely critical and if I have half a chance of channelling that other side of me on 10/8 I must must must fully recover. I get that. I don't question it and I'm not really stressed about it.
It's just a strange place to be right now. Two Ironmans in 10 weeks. I'm still fllying off the last one. I'm still in semi-I can eat whatever I want, stay up late, relax and forget about hard training for a while mode until I look at the calendar and realize, uh uh, not so fast girl. You must Train!!! You must get your head back into focused-mode and do this Right!!!
I did start my day off with about the nicest compliment however. At the pool today a lady whom I met yesterday said, "So, how old are you anyway?"
A bit odd to ask but whatever. "I'm 41."
"No you are NOT! No! Are you kidding? "
"(laugh...) yes, I'm really 41."
"We thought you were 23 or 24!!"
She went on and on. She heard I had 3 children and got even more incredulous. Made my day.
Guess I'll channel my 24 year old self for some spark and energy and try to ride this Lake Placid high all the way across the Pacific so it can carry me up that steamy Queen K highway.

The Race of my Life

2011-07-29T06:29:00.000-07:00

It was easy for me to write the first two parts of this race report. The words flowed from my heart. They flowed easily and smoothly.

I have been sitting here looking at the screen for 25 minutes now.

The Run.

It's not so easy for me to get this out in words to you.

These final 26.2 miles are where it all comes together. You've either set yourself up for success or you risk crumbling into a pile of blubbering mush out on River road somewhere. Ok, maybe not that bad. But you do feel like that at times!!

I burst out of T2 feeling like a million bucks. Alright fine, maybe only 1000 but I felt good! I was excited to be running, my stomach was happy, I was waving to my family, and I was also in a bit of shock and disbelief over what I had just learned in the tent.

Where was I in this race anyway? It's true, I hadn't really seen any women other than those two I passed on the bike along the way. I saw a whole lot coming at me when we did the 'out and back' before the climb to Wilmington. I had seen Mary then too. She was looking good. I heard my friend Mike. I saw my friend Bob. Hmmm......things were beginning to click in my head. I hadn't been caught. I was feeling strong. People were yelling strange comments to me like,"Angela! First woman! Looking good!"

My head snapped around each time.

What?

At this point, I had a very very serious little talk with myself. Very serious. "Ange, this is your race. This is your race to lose or your race to win. Remember those times you allowed your head to go to this place? This unimaginable goal? This thought that maybe, just maybe, if the stars aligned, you Could win this thing? DO NOT let yourself get freaked out with the lead and blow it. Be Smart. Stay steady. Do what you're doing. You are a runner. You're a runner. You're a runner. Steady. Steady."

I had to bully myself around a bit. I found myself in a position that as much as I had possible fantasized about, I would never ever reallllllllly imagine could come true. I'm just me after all. Just 41 year old Mommy trying to fit in workouts around the kid's lives and family stuff we all have.

I turned the first corner to run down that giant hill that makes your quads holler at you. They had a well placed announcer there to help get people UP that hill on the way back through town. But this time, he yelled my name and number and as I passed two men on the way down he said, "HIT 'EM ON THE ASS ON THE WAY BY!!!" Ha! I almost did!!! Too funny.

Time to run. I felt Fine. I had way too much 'stuff' in my hands and stuffed in places. My gel flask, a few left over in my back pockets from the bike, two gels in each side of my bra, and a tube of salt tabs along with another stash of salt in my pocket. Typical me to have too much stuff with me!!! I got to station 1 and chucked a few things.

I made a decision early on to stock up on fluids and calories as much as I could early in the run if I could. My belly was totally clear and happy so I went with that plan. The sun was shining brightly now and it was hot! The big heat wave had broken but mid 80s in full sun on an Ironman run is still hot for a Maine girl. TIme to be smart.

Each and every aid station: drink perform, drink water, sip of gel flask, ice stuff anywhere I could, sponges rung out on neck.... Go. I walked as fast as I could be I did stop running each time.

This would later be something that came back to haunt me. Or, did it?

I glanced at the garmin as I ran. Nearly all sub 7:00 pace. 6:45, 6:50, 7:00, 6:30, 6:45....the thing wobbled back and forth but mainly stayed sub 7. This was fast for me to start....or was it? I felt easy, in control, and like it was the pace I was meant to do. There are a number of down hill areas on the first segment so that contributed to the fast pace.

I passed Kurt around mile....3? Honestly, I don't know what mile he was at. Right in the middle of that segment anyway. It was so comforting. He told me to watch out, it was getting hot, get fluids,salts, calories...... I was on it. I nodded and pushed on.

Next up- moment of truth.

The 1st turn around. I allowed myself to stop thinking about the race and just find my legs for the first 5.5 miles. But when you turn... you are Forced to remember what's happening.

It's when you get to see who is coming to get you!!! And, more importantly, how close they are.

I ran a bit.... and then I saw them. First, a woman in the Ballou Skies kit that I'm familar with from friend and superstar athlete Beth Shutt. She looked awesome. She honestly looked like she was running a 10K. oh oh...

and shortly after her was a tiny woman who looked like she was running a 5K!

oh oh again....

I thought I felt good but they looked better.

"Ok, Ange. This is a long long race. Anything can happen to them. Or you. SO BE SMART!!!! Just keep running. Steady and strong. DO not think too much. Do what you're doing. There's a long long way to go."

So, I continued with my plan. I got in loads of fluids and calories, cooled my body off, and took my salts.

You know what? I felt good. And I was running pretty fast compared to ever before in an Ironman. I was thrilled with my pace. But, you know what??

My legs were KILLING ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I was honestly, in a lot of pain.

I think it started with my right quad. How do you describe pain? I thought about that while running. I'm not sure you really can unless you're talking to someone who has done this stuff too? Trust me, it just hurts. It really really hurts.

And yet, my head was clear. I had zero GI issues. No foggy- brain-what am I doing out here moments. So, I powered on. I just had to deal with the pain.

I came upon Kurt again. He moved into the road and counseled me on running the shortest line. "Stay in the middle. Keep it short. You're not even racing yet. You're just jogging. Nice and easy. "

Umm... not racing? Just jogging?

I yelled, "I'M SURVIVING!!!!"

heehee... I was hurting! I was surviving. But in Kurt's wisdom he wanted me to know that, "well girl that may be true but you have a loooooong way to go and you need to be ready for that!!!" He didn't say that but I know that's what he meant.

He also told me this, "you're crushing them. You've got this."

I asked, "what do you mean?? Age group? I'm winning my age group?"

"No no..that's not even a race. You're crushing them all. The whole field."

"But there's a chick running me down....."

I allowed myself to think for a minute that she was a Pro? Maybe? Maybe she didn't realy count?

insert inappropriate swear words here....

I think people had to tell me this 5-6x before I truly believed it. Even after hearing it in the T2 tent and as I ran my first miles, I didn't fully accept it in my brain. It was too big for me to wrap my head around.

Somehow I got up the giant hill. The announcer guy yelled something like, "Use those arms!!" So, I did. It helped a bit. I flashed back to my High School XC coach yelling the same thing as I tried to crest the Spurwink Hills in my hometown.

I've talked to people who are indifferent about the cheers and supports of family and friends on the course. I could not be more opposite. I LIVED for hitting the screaming crowds in town. I felt more energy and life come into my soul as I ran ( was I still running? ) near the olympic oval where the finish line was waiting and down the long long road to the next turn around. The streets were lined with millions of serious Iron spectators that pulled me with their energy. I was able to hear and pick out the yells of personal friends and family. I Loved it so much. thankyouthankyouthankyou if you were one of them and you're reading this. I'll always remember your cheery faces out there during that sufferfest!

Special Needs bags along run course

Ange and Mary before the start (ok, this is out of order but I had to get it in here somehow. Couldnt' have done this without my BFF.)

I made the turn at the 12mile mark and it was time for a reality check again. Where were those fast women running at me?? I ran over the timing mat and was sad that it didn't beep...... I looked down to confirm the chip was still there.

And then, I saw her. That really fast looking run coming at me in the little blue Ballou Skies tri top. Hmm...she still looks pretty damn strong. And then, I saw the other fast woman behind her.

"Ok, Ok. It's ok. Keep running.... You still feel strong. Ignore the pain. Everyone has pain. I'm sure they're tired too. We're all tired and there's 14 miles to go. Anything can happen."

Heading out of town, there was a young woman who jumped out into the road in front of me. She had done this on the first loop too but I didn't think as much of it (except for what she had said- that I was in 1st) until I saw her again. Why was she taking such interest in me? It was so cool!! She got right in front of me and said, " You still have this! It's YOUR race!!! You have 5 minutes on girl #2!!!"

I smiled and thanked her and you know what, I was in shock about this the whole day. I never really got used to that.

More self talk: stay in control, get in your fluids, nice stride, keep going, don't freak out, she can get tired too.....,

who am I kidding. I was talking like that the whole time.

And then, just like that,

The pass was made.

Kudos to Kim S. ( need to look up the spelling on that name again Kim!! ) She was running like a jackrabbit.

I kept my chin up and knew that if I continued on, I was still in the midst of the race of my life.

She was gone in a flash. There was no running side by side for a while playing, "oh yeah? you want to pass me? work for it." Nope. None of that. I'm sad to say. She just flew. by. me.

I came upon Kurt and he didn't mention that. He just told me to follow the tangents, stay smart and this is the best, "You're going to start to feel really bad soon Ange! take care of yourself!"

WHAT did he just say??? I laughed out loud at that one I think. For a few reasons. First, I already felt really really bad. Well, my legs hurt really bad at least. And second, who says that??? Ha! Kurt! He's such a realist. Cracks me up. Because it's TRUE! If you thought the first 15 miles hurt, wait for the last 11!!!

I kept running. I passed people all day long and it was a blast. A guy at the next turn around said,"Hey! you must have been a swimmer! look at those shoulders." That made me laugh too. You got it! But now I need to run the last 10K of this Ironman and I wish my X-butterflier shoulders could help me!!!

Iron-supporter extraordinaire Marisa Rowlson was on the River Road cheering me like wild and snapping photos!! She had taken my kids and Mary's kids the day before and made awesome posters for us and propped them along the barren road for us!

Nick had his in his had at the finish and it read: "Your gunnu win this thing mommy!!! GO GO" GO"

Mark and the boys had put a message on the electronic sign on the course. It said, "KickbutAngeMommyluvyour4boys!"

I love my family!!!!

Somehow, and I don't think it was pretty, I got myself up that hill by the ski jump. It hurt. Big time. I came upon the Marriott and saw my parents!!! They were psyched and told me I was crushing it.

I got back to Kurt and he was clearly happy with what was happening. I think I might have had a semi-cry face going on. It hurt really really bad. But my pace, was just fine. Somehow, I was still running and only a bit off the pace I started.

This time, "how many times have you run a 5K Ange? Time to dig deep!!! It's at 9:50 . Let's get in by 10:20 or better!!! "

Time to finish this thing. I looked at my watch. 9:57! not 9:50.

I dug deep.

I got down to the turn around. I thought about the pain. How can I describe the pain? Only 1 mile to go. The glory mile. Ok, maybe I need to go another 1/2 mile and then the glory starts.

I was pushing harder than ever before.

The emotions were rising inside.

I ran so hard. I entered the Olympic oval and decided that I can't put into words, the feeling you get in the final minute of the Ironman. You just have to take my word for it.

Everything. Everything I had done over the last year since I signed up for this race. It all came together. I had nailed it. I was the perfect race.

Had I been beat? Yes. She ran me down. But you know what? I still won. I nailed an Ironman. I won my age group by 30 minutes. I beat my 2009 time by nearly 30 minutes. I almost broke 3:30 for my marathon! My family and friends were there to share my happiness and it all felt amazing.

Total time: 10:19:21 (1:01 swim, 5:37 bike, 3:30 run)

2nd amateur woman

1st age group 40-44

7th overall woman with pro field

83rd finisher with men

and hey, I beat 5 of the male pros!! :) 
Now.....Off to KONA!!!!

Ok, I'm done. That's all I've got.

My favorite people in the world! Love you guys!! thankyou!!!!!!!

now it's time for a little of this stuff with my guys at the lake!

and one more thing!!! Just like it's hard for me to express the finish line feeling, it's hard for me to explain just how much I appreciate the support that was given to me along the way and on that day. GIANT HEARTFELT THANKYOU to all of you.

Mark, Cam, Tommy, Nick for the constant support, love and understanding and never ending cheers along the way, Mom and Dad for 41 years of support and love that is absolutely unmatched and more appreciated than they'll ever know, Jeff,Leigh, Jack Griffin and Audrey- my other family that is there for me at the drop of a hat-love you guys!, Mary- couldn't do it without you girlfiend!!!, Kurt for his excellent coaching ,Bob and Mike for being two of the best friends in the world and who understand what all this takes, the Hamm family for reminding me to keep having fun!, Jen for two + years of awesome coaching that was capped off by turning me into a runner!, Norway Savings Bank for the generous sponsorship, and then oodles and oodles of friends and family that were out there on the course and cheering from home. I felt it all and love you all for it. THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!! This list could go on for miles. I'm a very very lucky girl. (yes, at age 41, I still call myself a girl. :) )

The Ride --

2011-07-28T04:31:00.000-07:00

This is the part that worried me the most. I know I'm a swimmer, I now think of myself as a runner, but a biker? Um.... I'm still working on that part. Sure, I can ride. And yea, I do ok out there on the bike. But, 112 miles is a long long long way to go and there are just so many things that can happen.

This is where your nutrition plan is either nailed or completely blown. This is where you either ride with intelligence and patience, or you get over excited, pull out an impressive bike split and therefore set yourself up for a nasty and miserable run. This is where you sail around a course on a well tuned machine or (I can say it OUTloud now that the race is over) you FLAT!

As I sit here 4 days later attempting to compose something interesting to read about this LONG leg of the Ironman, I guess I feel a little giddy when I have to admit, I don't have many stories at all about this ride!!

Let's see.......
after waving to my 4 Bancroft boys as I cruised down the hill out of town, I put the game face back on. Moments later I came upon Coach Kurt at the base of a hill. I remember almost everything he said to me that day. Except this part. I just plain forgot. He said something to me and off I went.

The first 15 miles includes the long and fairly steep 3 mi descent. It was fine. We had a Headwind on that part!! I was with a group of guys and one of the only women I saw all day on the ride. I passed her at the bottom of the hill and that was that. I felt strong. Smooth.
I was getting all my fluids in easily. The gels each hour.
Totally uneventful.
I climbed the 11 miles back into town to complete loop 1 of the bike. I got excited thinking about where I'd see my family.
First, I saw one of my athletes and now friend, Marisa way down on the hill. She was just amazing all weekend. She jumped around and cheered and snapped lots of photos. We slapped a high 5 and I smiled. As I neared the top the scene caused goosebumps on my arms. Those of us riding only had a small narrow hallway to climb through. The crowds were lining both sides of the roads screaming, playing music, banging drums, and hollering words of support.

As I got to the top I heard familar voices yell, "HEY! That's ANGE!" It was Mary Lou, Erin, Carrie and Stacy. RIght after that I saw Jared. I smiled and felt really happy. I saw my brother and adorable twin nephews in the next 1/4 mile. His loud screams pumped me up even more.
I skipped the special needs bag stop in a last minute decision. I looked towards the tent where my family set up camp for the day and saw all the boys holding their most awesome signs and Mark's alwasy audible yells for me. I had goosebumps. I was flying high. Floating through the Olympic circle. The crowds are indescribable and invaluable to me.
But before I knew it, I was descending the hill out of town again and heading out by myself for the final 56 miles.
One last push of personal support as I left town though.
Kurt was still in the same spot at the bottom of the big hill we start with on this two loop course.
In his controlled and steady manner he yelled to me,
"Let's go Ange. Third on the Road. You're THIRD ON THE ROAD!"

I nodded and settled in with the power meter.
Third on the road????

What does THAT mean???
Third third? Or third in my age group? Or... what does that Mean????

I think that's when I realized things were serious. I was in the process of having the race of my life.

Just keep doing what you're doing......that's what I told myself. Just keep doing the same thing.

Surprisingly, I did not stare at my power meter. Kurt told me I wouldn't but I didn't believe him. I had a range that I was supposed to ride in. And, without even thinking about it, I was there. I was right in the zone. I checked in with the numbers frequently, but never changed what I was doing to get myself there. I just rode the way that I was taught to ride and it magically worked out perfectly. ( Ha! No magic involved of course. It's called hours and hours and hours of very smart, specific training to prepare my body for that day.)

My nutrition was spot on. Except for the fact that my aero bottle was so damned Stick from the EFS / Perform bottles that it kept getting Stuck in the bottle holder! I dealt with that though. Oh and there was at least ONE potential close call.
Remember that 3 mile descent?? Loop 2 found me alone on that. No problem. I prefer that. But I guess the critters in the woods had been waiting for a dull spot in the action for a moment to cross becausea big DEER ran in front of me on the road!
CLOSE one!

It started to get Hot out there around mile 80. I grabbed waters and cooled my neck and head. But not a single cramp, no pain, not one GI issue and that was a huge huge relief. I did hit a few bumps and developed a bad headache. I thought I had excederin with me.....couldn't find it. Miraculously, it went away. I tell ya...the stars lined up for me that day. My headaches never just go away.

I think I might have passed one woman while I was out there. Other than that, I never saw a single female. Not one. Hmmm...

I rode on and off with the same men. Occasionally new packs of men who were blatenly cheating in their little draft packs would fly by. At one point in particular, after dropping back like I was supposed to, it was time for me to overtake them again. Now, I realize men don't like to get chicked but too bad. MOVE OVER! This one group was spread out across the entire road blocking anyone from passing. If they wanted to risk penalty time and ride in a pack, drafting all day, go for it. You know it's wrong but Do NOT get my way and block the road. I hollered a few times, "GET RIGHT!" "I'M on your LEFT!!" Stuff like that. I kept the 'cheaters' comment under my breath. Finally, a few moved over a bit and I blew past them. Ha! Take that...
that was the end of those guys..

I hit mile 100 in 4:53. I was stunned. I ride my centuries around Maine and Rarely can even get under 5:30. I felt like a stud. I was totally enjoying the ride and feeling strong.

And that was that!!! Before I knew it was climbing those hills into town. Marisa was still there even more enthusiastic than before. The crowds were still pulling us up the final hill with their energy.

I sat up a bit and stretched my aching back. I did have a back pain...that was the one thing. But I just put it out of my mind. Around the Olympic oval, I dared gaze down into the ciricle to imagine the finish just hours away at this point.

I clicked out of the bike and handed my trusty Cervelo to the best volunteers in the world. I LOVE that they take my bike. I took off my shoes and ran for my bag. Legs were creaky but I was smiling and feeling OK!!

bike split 5:37 (huge huge PR here... 15 minutes to be exact)

red run red run red run.....

I snatched the red run bag from the hook and hit the tent.

Umm...

what's going on??

Every single volunteer in that tent stood and clapped as I ran in. What?

No less than 10 women circled me to help. I asked if I was in some strange kind of spa. We laughed.
They said, "We dont' have anyone else to help yet. You're the first one here."

what did she just say?

dry feet, socks on, shoes on, belt on, visor, wipe face, what else what else??? grab flask
I HAD to stop in the bathroom here. I just had to.... it wasted time but it was important.

when I ran back into the tent after my bathroom break and headed to the other side to exit for the run, they did it again. They all stood and clapped and yelled my name.

It was, to say the least, overwhelming. I have tears now just remembering and writing about it.

What was going on??

I flew out of the T2 tent with the biggest smile in my life.

The guy that rode near me for most of the 112 miles exited at the same time and said, "I just can't get rid of you can I?"

I don't know what I said, but what I was thought was, "Nope, but I'm about to get rid of you."

So that's exactly what I did.

only 26.2 miles to go......

Ironman Race Report- Part 1

2011-07-27T12:35:00.000-07:00

The Ironman.

2.4 swim

112 bike

26.2 run

It's a long day. But the training for an ironman is even longer. You make a committment. You dedicate yourself. You focus. You work. Sometimes you struggle. Sometimes you thrive. You never forget. It never leaves your mind. As the months move along and summertime excites the world around you, you know that it means something else. Ironman day is drawing near.

There's excitement but at least for me, there are nerves. Those nerves are welcome now. I'm experienced with this and so, when I feel the buzz as the final weeks approach, I am able to accept that it means my brain and body are where they need to be. My head and my heart are in the game if I feel the pre-race fluster. When that disappears, if that ever disappears, I will know. I will know it's time to step back.

July was here in a flash. I continued along with our typical summer activities. Life has been busy and full of good times. However, I slowly but surely drew myself inward and began to slow down. It was time to put all the hard work out there. To get myself to that starting line in full health and full form.

And that's just what I did.

The final week before I left town was hot. The country was hot. Maine was no exception. I scooped up my 3 little guys ( I know, they're not so little now but to me they're my little buddies...) and headed to the place that calms me the most.

The ocean.

They played and I sat. I relaxed. Took my deep breaths. Thought through the day. And then accepted. I was ready.

The final week was easy. I moved my family of 5 into giant house with Mary's family of 5 and my brother's family of 4! Sounds potentially chaotic, but the house was so big that we were fine. I retreated to my room and organized these bags, sat around on my tush, and reviewed my plan. Over and over.

Next thing I knew.... it was 3:30 a.m. and I was wide awake and ready for a giant day.

My pre-race breakfast was white and bland. I ommitted foods I alwasy ate before, added things that are always easy, and attempted one thing that would NOT go past my tongue. No harm done there. Just good to know that I don't need to bother next time! 600 calories of food, 2 cups of my first caffeinated coffee in weeks and bottle full of EFS and pre race later, I was wired and out the door for the Ironman.

Mark dropped Mary and I off at transition where we immediately found supporter extraordinaire, Marisa. She was a saint all weekend. From making posters for us with our kids, to photographer along many roads on the course, to blister fixer-upper, med tent communicator, and beer supplier post-race, she ROCKED! But at 5 a.m. on race day, she was body marking. She wrote our respective numbers on our arms & legs, branded us with our big 41to note our age on our leg, and then with one last big giant hug, we were on our way.

The next 2 hrs are a blur. I was truly buzzed. That caffeine and pre-race combined left my flippin' out a bit. That combined with my usual pre-race energy and I am quite sure I was seriously annoying. Sorry friends. I pumped my tires, answered questions from people racked with me about where to get body marked ( seriously??), put my garmin on the bike, filled the bento box, and discovered that the soaking rain in the night had oozed into my Run bag that was hanging and my run socks were wet. Duh. Rookie mistake. I doused them with baby powder and prayed. Not much I could do.

We sqeezed our way out of the masses of the transition area ( amen to getting there early!) and walked up to the tent set up for my family for the day. Mary was admiring a great Dane along the way. I discarded all politeness and basically ignored her comments about the dog. I told her I'd check him out tomorrow. Mary understands. We laughed about my super fast paced walk and her super slow stroll at that hour. We almost Allllllways have to split up at this point for that reason. She slows down and I speed up as the race start gets closer.

At the tent, I could barely hold a full conversation with anyone. I saw Mark, the kids, Andy, their kids, my brother, Leigh, their 3 kids, my coach Kurt, my parents, Mike, Bob,Dave, Mike, Stacy, Mary Lou, Carrie, Erin....any more? It was awesome, totally awesome to have them there. However, there came a point where I had to just go. I said to them, "I need to go. I have to just go walk by myself."

There had been rumors all week about the water temp. According to WTC rules, if the water is above 76.1 degrees, wetsuits are illegal. People can overheat. On the flip side, some people would struggle big time to swim 2.4 miles without the buoyancy of a wetsuit.

It was finally made official on race morning. "WETSUITS ARE OPTIONAL"

What does that mean?

It meant that if you wore a wetsuit you took yourself out of contention for any age group awards or a possible Kona spot.

No wetsuit for me!! I was happy and yet, a little sad because this surely meant a slower swim time.

Those of us without a wetsuit entered the water under a different arch than the others. The majority of the racers wore wetsuits. I knew this would be the case.

I found my spot in the water and tried to stay calm. I was shaking. The water felt freezing to those of us without suits. I was so cold. As the clocked ticked down and only 10 min remained before the gun blasted, the masses squeezed in. I slowly but surely lost my space. we were squished closer and closer. At this point, I became afraid. I had a mini- panic attack. I was unable to tread. I can tread water for an indefinate amount of time. The water is my friend. I am comfortable. But not when people are on top of me. I lost all the room I needed to move my arms and legs in order to stay afloat. This is a deep water start... I needed to float. I begged people to move so I could stay up. But with 1000s of people around all of us, there's not much room for them to go either. I also felt the strap of my timing chip swaying in the water. That chip is normally tucked nicely under my wetsuit. What if it got kicked off? No chip, no time, no place, no Kona. I was freaked.

I watched the clock and tried to will it to go faster. JUST START!! I needed to get out of that spot. I tried not to shake. I tried not to panic.

10, 9 , 9, 4,3, 2 BANG!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=UpXlJI1IZt4

(did you watch the video? You should. It still makes it hard to takl about the feelings but it shows you a little bit of what it's like. I'd love to see it from underwater.)

I honestly do not think one can put into words the feeling you have over the next few seconds. It's almost intense as the very end of the day.

I held my head up and searched for my spot. In my first Lake Placid race, I fought hard for 5 min or so and then I outswam the masses and found nice clean water. I could work hard and swim my swim.

Not Sunday. Because I was slower than normal without my suit, I couldn't break away from the men ( seemed like mostly men) surrounding me with their wetsuits on. I was pushed and pawded. I was so aggitated. I wanted to turn around and belt this one person that was groping me for the first 1/2 mile. But of course, that would only cause more chaos as the people were swarming everywhere. I just kept going and looking for water.

I wasn't swimming hard. I couldnt'. I just did my best to keep going forward.

THe giant turn buoy approached and while I was on top of it, hitting it as I tried to make a 45 degree angle turn, I avoided gettign shoved under it. I swam far far to the right at this point so I could swim by myself. Most people wanted to swim on the buoy line but I decided it was worth it to go a bit further so I could be by myself.

I obsessed over my ankle strap. It felt loose. I made the decision to stop at the half way mark ( we get out of the water and run back in the other side of the lake for loop 2 ) to check the strap.

Finally, I was out on the beach, touched ankle to see it was fine, lifted goggles for a break and dove back in.

My swim was lackluster. I didn't feel fast. I had trouble finding my speed. I swam for a while with a girl in just bathing suit. I imagined myself back in college fighting the girls in the lanes next to me. This pushed me to a faster speed.

My mind was less focused than I expected. I had trouble finding my heart!!!! I remembered what Michelle Simmonds commented, "You dont' have to feel good all day to have a good Ironman." I remembered that and found peace. It's OK! I didn't know Why I was so blah on the swim, but I tried to ignore it. I pulled hard. I avoided kicking. I needed to save those legs for more work ahead. The wetsuit allows you to relax your legs so I decided I needed to do this wetsuit or not wetsuit.

By the end, I was feeling fine. My goggles were pushing on my eyes and making my brain feel like it might explode. I almost ripped them off with 100-200 yards to go without even thinkign about it. I started to think about the bike. It was time to get serious. I might be able to just swim those 2.4 miles but the bike was a different story.

Time to FOCUS if I was going to make it the day I wanted it to be.

Swim Split 1:01 Ok, that's fine. 4 min slower than '09 but sans wetsuit, I'll talk it. Move on.....

I hit the sand and ran out into the screaming crowds. There is Nothing like the crowds of supporters at Ironman. My heart skipped a beat with excitment as I ran through the gauntlet to T1. I bypassed the wetsuit strippers since I only wore the thin speedsuit and began rehearsing the next few minutes in my head. As I made a corner towards the giant tents I heard the Loud holler that I know so well. Mark and my family were up on a hill screaming and waving. We made quick eye contact, I waved and smiled and I knew they were with me.

Down the rows of bags, blue bike blue bike blue bike, I grabbed the blue bag and ran to the tent.

The transition tent volunteers ROCK! I was greeted at the door and some nice woman ran with me. She dumped my bag and handed me stuff as I needed it. wipe feet with towel, sock on, shoe on, sock on, other shoe on, wipe face, glasses on, helmet on, race belt on, 2 gels in one side of bra, 2 in the other, power bar and 2 more gels in pocket in back. DONE!

down some more aisles and off to my bike.

row 9 row 9 row 9 row 9- I said to myself so I'd remember where to go.

ROW 9! got it!

GO!!!!!

around the corner, power meter on, down the hill and

GO ANGE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

yes! there they were again! Mark, Cam, tommy, Nick, Mom!I waved and tucked into aero.

See ya in a few hours!!! I thought about how psyched the kids were now. The end of the swim meant one thing to them. DONUTS! They have a tradition--- free donuts at the church after the ironman swim. I smiled. Time for me to work.

I look like I worked a bit harder than I thought I did.

focusing on the next job of the day....

Ironman Lake Placid 2011

2011-07-26T19:07:00.000-07:00

This race is in the books. It was, quite possibly, the race of my life.

We rolled back into Maine tonight after an incredible weekend of anticipation, nerves, support, hard work, determination, grit, pain, suffering, relief, joy, pride, and so much love from friends and family.

I'll write my race report out...soon. Very soon.

But here's the scoop in a nutshell.

Finish Time:
10:19.21

7th Woman finisher of the race - Pros and amateurs combined.

2nd Woman Amateur to Finish

and

1st place in my Division

I'm not sure I can put into words how all of this felt on Sunday. But as I try to stand up off this couch and get into my bed right now, it's possible my neighbors will HEAR how I feel Now!! OUCH!

I spent every last cent that was in my bank. I'm broke. I'm bankrupt. Nothing was left out there.

It was a Great great day.

Who am I???

2011-07-12T13:45:00.000-07:00

It's the week before the week of.

On my training peaks plan, I am cautioned to 'keep my emotions in check' the day before the race. What about the week before the week of?

I woke up in the middle of the night last night sobbing. I was crying and crying. I had had a dream. I remember parts of it and now, in retrospect, it was silly. Of course it was. Mark and I laughed at the scene this morning. He had to calm me down and assure me that everything was ok. The dream had nothing to do with Triathlon. But apparently, my emotions aren't fully in check.

I'm getting there. This race is on my mind 100% of the time. It's all I can think about. And yet, I feel very very scattered. I can't seem to get it all organized. The plan is swirling around in my brain.

I have lists half written on the left of my desk. I have lists printed out in color and bold print on the floor by my bed. I have calendars with notes of what to do each day printed and stuffed in my purse.
It's time to Get it ALL together!!!

I was thinking through my race plan while I rode today. I was thinking about the day as I talked to a friend. I was thinking about that day as I did the laundry and put aside my favorite bike socks. It led me to this though.
What is this all about?
Why does this matter so much to me?
Who am I after all?

Well, I'm Mommy to these 3 handsome guys. Pretty lucky aren't I?

And, I'm the wife of this hot guy.

Those are my primary roles in life. The four guys above keep things in perspective for me and make me want to be the best person I can be. They really are my world. I love them all.

But deep inside me is an athlete that just can't stop. I just can't seem give in to the idea that age will stop me or slow me down. I refuse to go there. I've been at this game in one form or another for a really long time now but the fire is still smoldering.

I'm aware that it seems insanely hard core to some. I am aware that the tough sacrifices I make aren't forced upon me. I am not under contract with a college sport any longer. I am not part of a team that I am committed to and thus perform well for at the 'big meet.'
This is my choice. This way of life is something I jumped into 6 years ago and now feel fully engulfed in.

So....why then?

Why do I wake up at 4:30 most days? Why am I ok with cutting out my morning coffee for a few weeks? Why am I ok with going to bed early on a Saturday night when the rest of my crew wants to stay up 'til the wee hrs?
Those things are just the tip of the iceburg. Just the tip.

I'm ok with it because of what happens here:

and here

and this moment rocks:

Ahh---the Finish line. The best of all.

For me, there is nothing like training and racing. It is who I am. Simple as that.

But that's a bit boring so I'll get a little more into it.

The 9 year old son of some good friends of ours recently said, "Mommy, everybody has something that they are the best at."

Pretty cool view for a little guy.

While I'm not the best, this is my skill. I love to challenge my mind and my body beyond what I thought it could do. There was a time a while back that I was certain I could not ever ever run a marathon. Now, I've done 9. And I'm about to do my 3rd marathon After swimming 2.4 miles then riding 112 miles. I squashed that 'I can't' right off my list.

There is nothing like the feeling of accomplishment.

When racing an Ironman, you have to accept that it's not a normal race. It's a process. It's an entire day. It's an event that requires months and months of physical preparation. It requires months and months if not a full year of training your mind and body to accept that it can go the distance. Nobody just jumps into an Ironman at the last minute.

The final weeks before Ironman day become almost ritualistic. We try to sleep more. We eat perfectly. We stretch religiously. Roll the muslces. Complete workouts exactly as they are recommended with race specific paces and watts and intervals. We fine tune. We hold on. We grab the energy.

I can't explain why it's who I am. I feel the pain out on the course. I feel the fatigue. The burning, aching, throbbing quads that are inevitable on the final 10 miles of the run. I feel the stabbing pain in the gut that sometimes creeps in after 86 miles of riding in a hunched over aero position while attempting to consume 300 calories each hour. I feel the tedium. The digust and the intense need to just get off. the. damn. bike. already after nearly 6 hours of riding at the perfect pace and intesity. I feel the fear and weakness when my competitor is chasing me down. I have those urges to just give up and let it go. I fall into the who cares, I did the best I could mindset. Sure....all that nastiness happens. And those are just the things I can talk about. On Ironman day there's oh- so so much more that happens out there on that course.

Then what keeps me here? What makes it so great?

Ahh... you see those moments are just moments. You know, good always trumps evil right? Yes, it does.

The good stuff?

Go back to those pictures.

The surge of adrenaline as you tread in the water with 3000 other highly tuned athletes ready to launch with all their might towards the end of the lake. You listen to the National anthem, you watch the 1000s of people lining the shores for You. At that moment, there's a silence. The whole day is ahead and those people are all there to carry you along. Families and friends spend endless hours running to various spots just for a glimpse and to offer their critical support.

There is Nothing like that feeling at the start line. It's overwhelming and it's incredibly invigorating all at once.

The day moves on and on and on and amidst those lows I noted, you have fantastic highs. The hours upon hours upon hours of hard training in all elements pay their dividends. You remember that 90 mile ride in 30mph winds that forced you to reach deeper than you knew was there. You remember the 100 miles you rode in the cold nasty rain mixed with snow. Your legs respond. You fly up hills that just months ago forced you to yank on your bars and waiver around the road. You hit the run and your legs are There! You can run and it's all good!! You have 1000s of people lining nearly every road cheering for you!!! Mile 13 comes and you see the faces of the 3 best little boys on earth and they are watching THEIR MOM attack 140.6 miles with a smile. They are learning that nothing can stop you if you want it. Someday, they will get it. I know they will.

The high that surges into you after fighthing through race day lows ( and they always happen ) is euphoric I think. It leaves you with more drive and fight and makes the final mile so incredibly rewarding. To work and work and work day after day after day after day for something that is really really tough to accomplish, is like nothing else.

That is what keeps me in check this week. I remember the hard work. I know I have put in the time and effort. I will come around the corner into the Olympic Oval of Lake Placid and feel that incredible emotion of accomplishment.

I know I can do it. I have this in me. I have big goals for that day. This is Ironman #3 for me. If I follow my plan, the distance will happen. I need to make the rest of it fall into place this time. It's a big challenge.

I'm ready and I'm excited.

This is who I am.

Training for an Ironman while summer whirls around me....

2011-07-06T06:05:00.000-07:00

Summer in Maine. It's the best. Our weather is so neurotic. Seriously. We go from 50s and rain for weeks to 80s and 90s in a matter of hours. But let me tell you. When it's good, it's good. The gorgeous summer days are one reason I could never leave Maine. There is nothing as serene and lovely as a warm sunny day on the ocean. Or the lake. Or... you get the point. They make up for all those nasty days we endure during some of the other seasons.

As I alluded to in my last post, it's been wild and crazy around our home. Actually, everywhere But our home. We were gone for a few weeks....

Cape Cod, Lake Placid, Wolf Neck, camp on the Island, and now the boys are off camping with some friends. It's been great. So fun. But I'm sick of packing and I've missed my own bed.

Today is catch up day.

I'll catch you up now with a few random bits from training.

It's July 6th. Ironman day is July 24th. Holy ----

Yup. It's here.

gulp.

I don't have the same fear that I am sure I had in July 2009 but there is a definate angst in my body right now. I feel 100% ready. My body is in great shape. I'm not injured. I've lost a bunch of weight ( though not all the way where I want to be yet) and my workouts are going smoothly.

And yet, race day. You just never know what's going to happen. Fear of the unknown. I guess I have that.

Let's back up. I want to share an experience I had since it's a new one for me.

A few weeks ago, I had a 2 hr run on the plan. Not too bad. The weekend had been cold. I spent hours curled up under a blanket and by a fire at our camp. Now, four days later it was super humid and 90 degrees. Because it's summer and I often rely on a babysitter and his schedule, my run was starting at 11:00. Prime heat hours from 11-1:00.

Here's how it went down. First a 60 min bike. I took 2 bottles with me. One with EFS and one with water. I drank them both so I'd be nicely prepared for my run.

I spent 15 min at home changing and yes, drinking some water. I was thirsty. I knew I would Get thirstier. So I stocked up.

I left home with my 4-bottle fuel belt. 2 x 8 oz of water and 2 x 8 oz of EFS. (for those of you who aren't familiar with EFS it's a sports drink by First endurance and it's PACKED with electrolytes. I'm a relatively new user of this stuff. It even tastes salty. Therefore, no salt tabs for me.)

I had a gel as I left home too.....with water. I felt ready!

Two miles in-- I was OFF! You know that feeling when you can't focus? you feel spacey and lost? You might even tip over? But I just had a gel! There was no excuse or good reason and yet I could not fight it. I headed into a dunkin donuts and took a deep breath in the cool a/c bathroom. I had another gel, drank a bit of water (saving EFS for later when I needed it?), used the bathroom and regrouped. There...what was that about?

Ten min later I felt fine. I was running well. No big deal. Just cruisin' along.......

Man it was hot. And humid. I was a big sweat ball. But, I was still fine.

I had my next gel at 50 min even though I had just had one around 15 min. I had water. Probably a sip or two of EFS.

I just continued to run without much ado. I drank out of the bottles as I went along. The waters were gone by 10 miles. I had 1.5 of EFS left I believe.

I bumped into a friend who was driving by. I stopped at his car to say Hi and prayed that he'd have a cold water bottle and I could steal some. But he didn't. I had trouble catching my breath at that point. Looking back, I realize all I really said to him was how hot I was feeling.

Just keep going. You'll be fine. Legs were still fine. Not too far to go.

Hey! There's Mark! I saw my husband on the next road. ( it was lunch hour for everyone) He DID have a really really cold bottle of Poland Spring water. perfect! thanks hun!! You can buy more right?? I was soooooo thristy!!!! I drank and drank. And then a bit more. ahhh.... so good.

I told him I only had 30 min let and yes, I'd call him when I got home.

My run had a mission. After 1:50 I was supposed to warm down the final 10. I was fading. Those last few min to get to 1:50 were horrible. I was suffering. I was on a road with NO shade, lots of cars, and no friends to spray me with a hose. My feet hurt. I wanted to be done more than I ever remember. I got to 1:50 and it was near the office of the friend I had seen at mile 10. Isn't he headed back to work yet? Why wasn't he driving by? I was 100% sure I was going to make him drive me home. I had 3 miles to go and it was all up hill. No joke. I thought surely I would die.

I walked. I bent over.

I saw stars. The road was so so long. I could see the turn I had to take and it was 18 miles away. Maybe more.

I walked and walked. And then trotted.

I never ever walk. Ever.

I finally got to the turn. only 1.8 miles to go. I wasn't sure I could get there. A big loud dumptruck screached by me. I almost flagged him down for a ride. Who Does that?? Me. I almost did it.

A hose. I had to find a hose. I needed more water. I needed it fast.

Finally I saw a house that looked vacant. And a hose! Allelujia!!!! I cranked it up and soaked my head. And then, I drank and drank more water.

All 4 bottles were empty now. Even the 2 I had Refilled with water when I had seen Mark.

The remainder of the run was more of the same. I truly staggered up the road. I was not coherent. It took all I had to remain upright. I saw neighbors and wondered why nobody was picking me up as I was bent over with my hands on my knees. I'm never like this guys!! HELP ME! It was miserable.

I walked into the driveway and had to put on the everything is ok face for the Babysitter. I paid him and thanked him and nearly cried as he walked away. I was gasping for air. All I could say was, "Nick, could you please fill a cold tub for Mommy and get me some water?" My little 7 year old is always right there to help me. Bless his little heart.

I crawled into the tub without taking off any clothes and thanked God I made it home. I called Mark and told him it was Hell but that I was home. He had driven out of town for something but said he'd worried why 30 min turned into 60. I told him I was hoping he'd sent out a search crew. It was that bad.

After cooling off.. I thought I was ok. I was beat but ok. I was cooler and home. I could breath. I wasn't thirsty anymore.

I sat down and logged my workout and wrote a few details about my hell run.

Kurt emailed back asking me for a total electrolyte count.

Count?
I have to count?

And then things got weird. I was Intensely sleepy all of a sudden. I had trouble keeping my eyes open. I was nauseus. I was absolutely unable to concentrate on counting # of electrolytes. It took ALL of my brain power to get through that.

I told him this as we emailed about a few things. I felt sick. It was worsening.

His words? "GET SALT! STOP DRINKING WATER!!!" He said, "get pickles, pretzels, salt tabs, EFS and do it now."

Um... ok.

Hyponatremia. Shit.

Little Nick pulled through again. Within 1 min he had a handful of pretzels. But then he reminded me about the pickles I wouldnt' buy for him the day before. "See Mommy!!! You should buy pickles because sometimes you NEED them and I ALWAYS love them!" touche' Nick, Touche'.

I recovered. I was ok after a few hrs. The kids wanted to go to the library but I had to wait a while before I felt like I could drive. Kind of scary really.

This has never happened to me. I completely over did the water without keeping up with the electrolytes on a super hot and humid day. I messed up. I know better. But when I'm thristy and hot, I want water. Endurance athletes need to watch out- keeping that balance is critical and can save your life.

That was ONE bad run. But I learned from it so it was worth the experience I guess. I've had some excellent workouts and runs since that day and I'll have to share another time. This post got too long. I'll leave you with a few pictures from last week on the shore of Maine.

what the boys do on the shore all day....
TV? what's tv?

My ice bath at the cottage. A little Sea water to heal the legs.

Heading off to Farm camp. This was taken moments before little Nick Tipped over from the weight of his back pack.

Is anybody still reading this???

2011-06-28T18:24:00.000-07:00

Summer is here and I am never home!!! I can't believe the last time I wrote was my Mooseman race report.
I guess I'll just try a brief recap and see what I can remember. I'm going to brainstorm a real interesting post for next time. In fact, I think I already know what it'll be.... Something I meant to write about last week.

For now, a few blurbs about what's up in my world.

Working backwards-- my brain will remember better that way.

I'm on a psuedo-vacation at my favorite place on earth. I could travel around the world and I am certain my heart would always choose this very spot as #1.

Except, the signal here stinks. I just waited ~10 min for 1 photo to upload but it didn't work. I can't stay up that late so you'llh ave to take my word for it. This place rocks. The cottage originally purchased by my Great Grandfather sits at the furthest point on a neck into the ocean. So, our little piece of heaven is surrounded by water on the coast of Maine. It's quiet and peaceful. The only people here are the next generations of people I grew up with as a child when I was here with my parents. The ocean air is therapeutic- there's no other way to put it. I can't do without it.

why are we here? Mom and Dad were so awesome to share the cottage with us this week. My kids are at their first ever day camp while I knock of my final Big week of Ironman training!!!! It's SO close!!! I'm pretty sure the kids and I are 'livin' the life.' We get up, ride our bikes ( my 78lb mtn bike I had in college) 2 miles to their camp. I spend the day training, eating my lunch on the shore, and....well that's it. I get them at 3:00 and we spend the rest of the day on the shore catching crabs, jumping off the wharf into the cold water, eating yummy food on the picnic table overlooking a sunset into the ocean and.....well that's it! Ahhh....it's awesome. I could live here all summer.

Backing up....we got here Monday. I had landed at my house on Sunday night after 4 days in Lake placid training with 8 other athletes and my coach! It was a Rock Solid weekened. I loved it and feel better than ever about my race coming up.

Last Friday we rode 112 miles followed by a 6 mile run. I felt 100% nearly the whole time. My pace was right on target.
The next day we hit the lake for a ~1.9 mile (??) time trial. It was not quite a full IM swim. But we simulated a race start and went for it. I felt good....tired! But good. my legs were like anchors dragging behind me. The rest of the day we did an "easy" single loop of the course then a 4 mi run. I was pretty fried for this workout but it went fine nonetheless. Mamma Bear ( or Bear Mama as the road really reads) definately ate a lot and grew by the time I climbed her the 3rd time!
and finally, sunday was the big run. The 20 mile run on the race course. I wondered how my body would respond after feeling so beat up on Saturday.
She heard my and responded beatifully. I felt amazing. I felt strong and steady and like I could have done the full 26.2 without much complaint if I had to that day.
What made the weekend perfect was enjoying it with a few of my best friends, meeting some more really wonderful people and benefiting from the advice, support and guidance of my great coach, Kurt Perham.

Now....Wednesday my family had left home and flew for the first time in my hub's new aircraft. The guy is addicted to planes and now we are able to fly all 5 of us here and there. The ease of his new twin engine was pretty cool I must say. We left home at noon and by 1:00 we landed in Beautiful Chatham Cape Cod. The business trip took us to an amazing resort that I wish wish wish I could go back to for another trip. I was there less than 20 hours but enjoyed it with the kids and Mark before I departed solo to Lake Placid.

See...told you I was never home.

Other than that.... the boys are out of school. They have been since the 14th. We've been have fun at our camp every weekend. I have been training my butt off week after week and feeling better and better as I go along.

With the kids home, my days are no longer just mine. But this time with them is just a short little window. THey are growing so fast and I am constatnly reminded of that.

Coming soon...my post with a true horror story from a training day last week. No matter how experienced, we can never stop paying attention. That was my lesson for the day.

I'll share with you soon.

Thanks for reading! I'm still here!!!

Mooseman 70.3 Race Report

2011-06-06T09:50:00.000-07:00

starting to suffer on the run

Mooseman 70.3 is in the books now. My 7th Half Ironman race was a success. Before starting the race on Sunday, my friend Mary and I recalled our first Half at Timberman in 2008. We hugged each other and wished one another good luck as if we'd never see each other again. Over the past 4 years both of us have gained so much experience That uncertainty is gone. I know I can race, not just complete anymore, but race 70.3 miles. But it is not any easier. With each new race comes bigger goals and harder challenges.
Here's my story.

After doing my best to squelch my pre-race anxiety & nerves for several days, I finally settled in on one thing. I am never going to stop being anxious or nervous for a race. Never. It's who I am. As I stated in a previous post, my nerves are for different things each time I hit a course. But that wound up feeling inside is a signal to me that I care. I have been to some races without that feeling. And I was flat. My race was dull. My head was elsewhere. So, as much as I dislike the feeling it gives me for the last 3 days prior to a big event, I must have it or else the race is bound to fall short of my expectations. Saturday night, I stayed at my hotel alone while my family and Mary's family went out for dinner. I needed that time to gather my thoughts and relax in quiet before I went to bed. Hard to be antisocial, but it's what I needed. I made the decision to stop thinking about all the different scenerios. To stop obsessing about what if this or what if that. To stop thinking and overthinking every single leg. I was going to just head out on that course and do what I do best all day long. Every day I train. I can jump in the pool any day and hammer out 1000s of yards. I ride and ride and ride many days each week and I work hard while I'm doing it. And finally, I run. I run a lot and I have been running well lately. I know that. In my heart and in my head I know my body is totally prepared. So my plan for Sunday? Go out and swim, bike ,and run just like I do. That is what I do best and I know exactly how to do it when I get out there. That was that. Lights out 8:58 and I was ready to race.

After laying awake for the final few hours of the night, the alarm disturbed us all at 3:45a.m. Ahh...race day. Gotta love how early we all have to start! I gulped down my new pre-race breakfast , got dressed, kissed the 4 boys then Mary and I were off. We chit chatted about things for our 30 min drive, avoided All traffic, and after smiling and sweet talking the friendly officer, we got a perfect parking spot IN the park instead of 1/2 mile away like most of the people. Score! So far so good.

Transition set up was freezing. It was a beautiful day but barely 40 degrees. We were shaking it was so cold. Otherwise, it was methodical and uneventful. I just went through the motions and got ready to go.

Now we were walking to the swim start. Down the long beach with freezing cold rough sand on our bare feet. I was more conscious of how much my feet hurt than the 70.3 miles I was about to race. Interestingly, this is where a semi-calm feeling comes over me. Now, it'sTIME to do what I've been waiting to do! No more thinking about it!
The water at NewFoundlake is notoriously cold at the beginning of June. This year, our spring weather was wet and cool so we expected the lake to be pretty chilly. Somone said 60 degrees but I don't believe that. As a result, I didn't get in to warm up. I thought standing on the beach shivering with my muscles tensing seemed worse than what a short swim would do for me. That's why this race starts so tough...

Swim Time---
The main clock said 7:12 and wave 5 was moving. Our turn. I moved through the arch activating my ankle band. No turning back. not that I had considered such a thing....
I lined up with the other women in my age group and the 35-39 year olds. In fact, I think our wave had 35-49 women?? I'm not sure.
focus...find the buoy line....fix the goggles.... stretch shoulders...fix goggles.... deep breath..... focus.... and
10-9-8-7...... Goooooooooooooooooo
Time to THRASH!
It's just nuts to start these races. I wanted to get out into clear water. I wanted to win this wave. I know... I put a lot on myself but I can't help it. I put my head down and Sprinted for a little while. I was out there but so were a few other white caps.
My Heartrate was soaring. My breathing almost hurt inside my chest. Nothing felt good. After sitting on my butt resting and eating for the last 2 days before this race and then Suddenly Sprinting in freezing cold water my body was in a bit of shock. The 1.2 mile swim ahead of me felt long even though I knew it shouldn't take me more than 27-29 minutes....
Just go Ange. Just swim. Back to my motto for the day... just do what I do best all day long.

I just worked on staying strong, focusing on a strong pull, a light kick, and settling into the rhythm of the swim. Eventually, I got there. My heart settled down, I was no longer gasping and thrashing, I was swimming.

I made the turn at the final buoy. Unfortunately, I cut it too sharp and headed back to the buoy that I thought was straight across but was actually the 2nd down. I had to angle back and get that last buoy. I lost some time there... darn. I swore under water and just did the swim. I began to catch the waves ahead of us at this point. I successfully found a few holes to wiggle through people and only smashed arms with a few. I only swam into one.Sorry!!! I always feel bad....

One guy was doing backstroke... um...how does one site in open water while swimming backstroke? Whatever...
Just go go go go go ......

Finally I could make out the white archon the beach. The swim exit. Then it was the crowd on the shore. It's such a good feeling. I knew my parents, my husband, my children, my friends and my coach were all there and I let their support pull me in. I stood up at the last moment and ripped off my goggles. My frozen hands lost grip and then flew off and behind me. I glanced back for a split second but they weren't in my sight so I shrugged and ran on. Not about to take time to search for those! It's Race time!

(final time: 28:14) I lost track of what place I was in that wave. 2nd in age group for sure though.

I fumbled with my wetsuit velcro, grabbed the cord and got the upper half off. I hurried to the strippers, made eye contact with the 2 guys that Didn't look 12 and yelled, "BIG GUYS! Right here!" I wanted the ones who could RIP that thing off fast!
I was on my way.

At the bike. Hands were useless. I couldn't get my rolled up socks on--- so I didn't. Glasses on. Fogged. helmet. Go!

Ok--hard part starts now. The bike. What would happen. 56 miles to go and from what I was hearing, this new course was intense.

My heartrate and breathing were off the charts. This is normal when starting but I don't like it. But worse, there was a noise. A rubbing. Friction. Something was not right. Luckily, I was able to determine pretty quickly what it was. My front brake pad was rubbing on the wheel!!!??? Rookie problem. I was Mad! I reached down and tried to pull it to the side to loosen it without chopping my hand off in the wheel. It worked. But then, it slipped back. This went on for a while. 8 miles? who knows. Too long. I contemplated just opening the brake so it wouldn't hit it at all. However..... there are huge descents on this course and that was Not a safe choice to make. So, I continued to fiddle until I got it. Thank goodness I didn't have to stop.

Before mile 10 of this course, we hit 'the Hill.' It's bad folks. I didn't look at my computer for this # but I was told it was a 3.5 mile climb. It goes on and on and on and on and at the very end when you think you can't go any more, it pitches to a 16% grade. It's unreal. It's SO steep. I absolutely had to stand to get up this and it's Long! It was brutal. Then, you go down. It sounds nice but they limit the speed limit to 30 because at the bottom, there's a Sharp right hand turn. Sharp. It's scary for wimpy riders like myself! And, the cop was at the bottom with is radar gun making sure there were no violators!

I felt strong on the ride I must say. This was my first long course race with a power meter. I didn't stare at the #s obsessively but it was great to stay on target with that computer. I worked so hard at maintaining good aero position at every possible chance. I felt powerful on most of the ride and felt like the course was reasonable other than the insanely long climb that we got to do....twice! yup! the course looped around and we did it again! On loop 2, I was greeted by Coach Kurt at the bottom.

I started smiling and chit chatting, "Hey Kurt! these hills are great..." blah blah just random chatter to say Hi until he quickly got me back into race focus by simply speaking in his quiet yet audible race course voice, "Angela...she's right there. Girl #1 is ahead on 40 seconds. go get her. Red and yellow. Go! Get her! "
alrigthy then... back to business!!

It was great. I searched for that girl but never really saw her. I found out later, from coach, that I overtook her by the endnof the ride. She was history. Ha! Good! I just wished I had enjoyed the pass!

Meanwhile... I kept seeing this girl Jessie. Hmmm.... who are you??

I also kept seeing the same guys over and over and over. We'd pass and then drop back, then we'd do it again. Over and over.

And of course, like is usually the case, I'd occasionally have a faassssssssst group of men come upon me. All at once. Interesint how they happen to be all together. Oh I get it, they're Drafting like madmen. In a few instances, I smiled inside as the Referee motorcycle eased up on them and starting taking numbers. Ha! Busted. Other times, I laughed and wanted to say, "HEY! where have you guys been?? How was that swim?" And then, I wanted to say, "see ya on the run!" So many hot-shot bikers need to learn to tone it down a notch on the bike so they can still run....
Anyway....

The bike was good. I got in all my nutrtion. I avoided All stomach pain which was a Huge relief. ( Hmmm--new pre race breakfast perhaps??? )

Mile 54-55- I hear GO ANGE and glance to see a red shirt. I think it's Bob! Hey
Bob! ... 56-- There's Mark and the boys and Andy! Hi guys!!! big smiles. DONE! (2:55.27)
love finishing the bike....

Now, it was time to put it all together. Run time. 13.1 miles coming at ya....

While the bike is the hard part.....the run is where one suffers. And if you want a good race, this is where you need to be the toughest and dig the deepest.

Into T2--- it went well. Got the socks and shoes on, threw off helmet and glasses, grabbed gel flask, garmin and visor and I was off. Stuffed flask in shirt, hat in mouth, strapped on garmin, hat on, held onto flask.

I ran by my parents... Hi guys! I smile and assured them I was good to go.

I see Kurt and he gives me a supportive and assuring smile saying, "you're doing awesome." Cool. So good hear. I'm off....

legs are turning over fast... I feel good.
mile 1 6:37
Um... reel it in Ange. That's a bit fast. It Is flat to start but still....
Find your legs for the first 5K. That's the first job.
mile 2 6:55, mi 3 6:58. that's better. There's a decent climb between 2-3.... I think that's where it is. It wasn't too bad that first time.
Into the neighborhood to make the turn around...
Moment of truth.
You get to turn back and see who is coming to getcha........
How many women are on my heels. What am I up against? And who is ahead of me?? By now, the age numbers are basically washed off our calves. But I wanted all women. Not just my age group. Starting in waves makes it tricky.... the Pro women are FLYING by us in the other directions. One pro women is just attacking the run like an animal. I want to run like her. Impressive.

Back to my race....
Back up the hill out of the neighborhood...that kind of hurt. I see some women coming my way.... no time to relax. Keep it going girl.
Now it get's long 3.5-3.8 into it and about 9-10 miles to go. The Middle section. Time to hold steady and strong. Don't be foolish but don't back off.. can I do it?
mile 4 7:08 ( a climb there..)
mile 5 6:45 good ....let's go. I tried to take some of the gel flask now. ICK! Thick and sweet and NOT what my body wanted. I thought I might gag. No water in sight. My mouth felt like maple syrup was poured into it. It ooozed all over my hand too.... yuck.
Next aid station I grabbled sponges and water and just got a bit of fluid in. Not sure what to do about nutrion now...body was starting to be done with sweet stuff.
Legs were turning over...still ok.
mile 6 6:56
almost making the turn around. This course is 2 loops---out and back and out and back the same way. So you run back and forth seeing everyone at various stages of pain.
I see Mark, Andy, the kids, Bob, my parents... SUCH a boost! But I can't talk or smile now... I just nod and give my "I'm doing it" glance. Kurt gives me a high five, tells me to keep on.....

Here I am running around mile 6. You can hear my husband Mark, one of my kids, my buddy Bob and at the end, my Dad is heard whispering to my Mom, "that's not a happy face." Too funny. It's not that I wasn't happy but more that I was suffering!!

I make the turn, up and out of the park again.

Time for some self talk. There are some women near me.... when I made the first turn at mile 3.5, I saw a bunch coming my way. I was running away now.....NOT in the mood to be caught. I was Not going to be run down....
Heading back out for the hardest segment. Lap 3. So far into it and so far to go.... .Get through this and then let it rip. That was my plan.

Kurt met me on way back out and said, "2:30 ... you're up a a solid 2:30..." I nodded...got it.
mile 7   7:20 Mile 8 7:05 It's ugly now. I was hurting.
Legs were wobbling....they felt like they might buckle. They ached, my feet were intensely on fire. My energy was good....but my legs were getting close to being done.
I channeled long runs I had nailed over the past months.
I thought of the pain I endured on the Force machine during some winter training
5 more miles... I can suffer big time for 5 more miles. I have endured hard training sessions that were a lot longer than 5 short miles. I can hang on. Of course I can. Five miles is Nothing..... this is the chatter going on my my brain. I'm reached deeper and deeper into my memory to pull back specific workouts that challenged me for hours at a time. Workouts that trained me for these moments. They trained me to Hold on when things got tough. It's those moments after all, that makes the champion. You can not get to the front without pain and hurt. You dont' just hit cruise control and sail into the win. You. must. suffer. My head was fighting now. Fighting hard to stay in the game. To finish the job I started this day. You see, it' would be so so easy to just stop. To slow down. Fight it Ange, fight it.

Back to the real race on the road. I turned 5 miles into 4 miles and then final 1 for the victory lap. ( ha....that's not really how it works...last last mile doesn't go by fast. It goes by sloooooooooowly. 12.1, 12.14, 12.16, 12.2 yes! 12.2.12.5, will I PaLEASE get to 13!!!)

I battled back and forth with late in the race head-demons. I think it might be ok if I got caught. I am doing the best I can but mabye it's not in me anymore. ARE YOU KIDDING?? IF IT WASN'T IN YOU, YOU WOULDN'T BE HOLDING A 6:58 PACE FOR THIS! I think I'll drop out of lake placid. I want to spend more time relaxing at camp this summer. maybe someone would like my place in te he rental house. would it be so bad? this really really doesnt' seem to be so much fun anymore. Mabye I've had it. STOP IT! lOOK HOW WELL YOU'RE RACING! OF COURSE YOU WANT THIS!!!
And then, miraculously, those demons got poisoned and died and fell off my shoulder and I loved the sport again!! Close one! Maybe that's why I love racing so much. Maybe it's because the High you get when you fight through and kill those end of  the race strength and power killing demons is so euphoric that you just want to see if you can do it again. The feeling of overcoming that is almost worth all the pain you go through that puts you in that nasty place to begin with!

mile 9
7:44 climbing out of the hill at the turn around... one foot in front of the other. just keep going. If it's hurting you, it's hurting them more. (that's what I was trying to convince myself of....)
BRING IT HOME NOW!
I was so close.
My head was back in the game.
mile 10
7:16 hanging on...
you've got this....
then it got so so hard.... I was drawing inward and focusing so hard.
I let it go a bit here and looking back, it angers me. Did I have more? I dont' think so...but somehow Maybe I could have grabbed and found a bit more.
mile 11 7:37 oops slowing down..

mile 12 7:26

just ONE more mile!!! GO !

I fought and just could not go faster ..... I was so happy to be nearing the lake. I could hear the announcer...
2nd loop---- to the right
finish--go left
YES! I get to go left! I turned it on....
last mile 7:25.

BIG SMILES----
I broke 5 hrs
4:59:38

Final run time 1:33:14. And That is a PR run for a 70.3 race. Take THAT age 40+.

Mark and the boys greeted me with a blue freeze pop. perfect. I sat and took it all in. I struggled to breath. I drank and drank and drank more water.

I'm really happy with this race. I dug deep and fought through all those noises that told me to just slow down....
at 41 I think I've still got it and that feels Goooood!!!!

Overall:
1st age group
4th amateur woman finisher ( only ~30 seconds ahh!!)
10th woman finisher if Pro field mixed in ( fun to see that the #3 pro woman finisher was only 6 minutes ahead of me. )
splits: 2nd in my age in the swim, 1st in my age for bike and run.

(And I forgot to talk about the Jessie girl.....she went on to win for amateurs in addition to beating out a bunch of pros! she rocked with 4:51. I had no idea she was going to go on to do that or that she was close to the top when we were riding together. I wish I had been able to hang on!!! )

Today! I feel like I got hit by a truck! But-- I am Happy and fired up even more for Ironman Lake Placid!

post-race fog---my little buddies looking over me

Finish line happiness

how our kids spent the day!!

Nicholas---only a 7 year old would find that sand comfy

I can't make this turn around. I have no idea why...but it's me, Mary and our friend Jared.

1st in age group, Mary 3rd

A Few of my Favorites....

2011-06-03T11:39:00.000-07:00

I'm taking advantage of 45 spare minutes I have before I pick the boys up from school. I'm following coach's orders and trying to nap as much as I can this week. Yesterday, I napped. 30 minutes. That is Unheard of for me. For most people I realize. Today, no such luck. I just ran out of time. I am laying down with my feet up for a few minutes though. Does that count?? My brother Jeff just called from the race site. He's on for the International distnace tomorrow. After briefing me about the bike course and the reliable infestation of mosquitos in Bristol, NH we wished each other good luck. I wish we were racing together. As it is, he'll leave and I'll arrive. Go Jeff!!!

My pre-race routine and prep is undeniably excessive. I check and double check. I try on, take off, try again. I pack, repack. I think, over think, freak out, relax, freak out again and eventually just settle in with the fact that this IS ME! I get ansty and on edge. I withdraw and don't feel like talking for periods and then I become talkative and annoying. At 41, I doubt I'll change much as I continue to compete. My mental and physical state is on overdrive right now. At 10 p.m. last night, I was crawling into bed. Instead of feeling dead tired, I had the energy to run 10 miles. I guess taper is working.

I could babble on and on some more about all the stuff swirling in this brain right now. Instead, I felt like scrolling through a few lost pictures of years past. Most are race related but not all. And there is most definatley no order.

2 of the boy's names in Coral along the Queen K

2008 Urban Epic Portland, Maine - post crash on head a few miles earlier--- nobody caught me while I layed on the ground so I decided to go for it.

home

Run at Timberman 70.3

my sweethearts

2008 Post-massive crash finish--

Mary and I with our finisher's medals at 70.3 World Championships Clearwater, FL 2008

Finish line at Rev3 Half 2010- my awesome crew!

Rev3 awards- 2010

My family

Hot, Tired and my shirt is filled with ice. But with 1-2 miles before Alii Drive, I was a happy happy girl!

previewing the ride to Hawi -World Championships 2009

Post-Mooseman 70.3 2009 with my brother Jeff

Cameron and Tommy with Nick after their first 5K

Time for some Action!!

2011-06-02T08:57:00.000-07:00

T-4 to Mooseman 70.3. My first 'A' race of the season. I'm totally ready. Now. Back up 7 days at this hour and I was just finishing up several bad a-- days of training and racing a Half Ironman seemed both easy and inconceivable all at once.

Ironman training is interesting. There are weeks upon weeks of consistent work that is manageable and satisfying. Slow steady progress can be seen if you are patient and smart. The clock ticks and you may start to think, "This isn't too bad. Ironman training is not as daunting as it appears."
And then, a big juicy week appears on your schedule and it's 'game on.' I hit my 3-day IM sim stretch with eager legs and a positive attitude. It went beautifully in my opinion. I swam long and hard one day. I rode a solid and fairly enjoyable (despite the intense sunburn on my shoulders) 112 miles + a Trun the next day. I topped that off with a ride + 2.5 hour run in one of the season's 1st 90 degree + humid days.
Finishing that run left be wiped. Part of it was the heat and part of it the mega-miles on my legs over the course of a few short days. I opened the door to the house at 12:40. I had 15 minutes. Great day for a 1/2 day at the kid's school! I walked directly upstairs as I chugged 30 oz of water, sat in the tub fullly clothed and just poured cold water on my legs. I sat until I had 5 min left, moved into the shower, semi-washed and was dressed and out the door with 0 minutes to spare.
"Hi boys! How was your day? "
"Good. Can Matthew come over to play? Mommy my bug bites are SO itchy! We had art and I finished my submarine project. What can we have for snack?"

Sigh.....

My kids are so used to me training like a maniac that even though I told them what I had done, they just nod and move on to their own needs. I guess it's good they think it's normal. But I had nothing left. I walked in, threw some quick snacks their way and was on the couch with my feet up within minutes.

Spent.

Over the next few days, I felt it more. I wasn't sore. I didn't hurt. I was just sleepy. And hungry. And my body didn't want to play anymore. Those few days that left me feeling like a rockstar dissolved into a feeling of weakness. Now, the coach in me knows better. The experienced athlete in me also knows better. And while I was not worried, I was cranky. My bike ride on Sat, while easy, felt horrible. My 90 min run on Sunday felt even worse. My knee caused me to stop and walk with pain only 1 mile in. That resolved but the rest of the run was slow and apathetic. I just didn't feel like it anymore. And realistically, I was tired.

After kicking the dirt, I reread my files from the past awesome workouts I had completed. OVerall, success. My training has been smart and solid. I have gotten faster, lighter and stronger. It's all good.

We packed the car and headed to THE ISLAND!!!!

contemplating their first dip in the lake

Tommy teaching his friend to row...

The weather cleared in Maine and it's time for camp. We opened up our little place on the lake and had some fun. Memorial day was spent cruising the lake with friends and just chillin'. Perfect. My body was healing.
______________________________

Now, it's race week.

I can't even write about it all. My head is in 50 different places during weeks like this.
I'm excited.
I'm anxious.
I'm nervous.
I'm unsure and,
I'm confident, at the same time.

All those things and more.

I've been racing for a long long time. I've felt the pre-race nerves since I was a young child. Some races mean different kinds of nerves. With all my experience, I am not worried about completing the race. I am not worried about the swim leg. Or the bike leg. Or the run leg.
I think of the race as 1 big challenge.
Do I still have it?

Will my body respond the way I've been training it to respond?

How fast can I go? Should I expect to go faster than when I raced this 2 years ago? Why not right?
All systems point to a faster-me.

Can I put it all together?

This week is all about fine tuning. I am resting well. Eating well. I'm organizing my thoughts. I'm even mixing up my race -weekend approach a bit to avoid things that occasionally add more stress.

We'll see how it goes!!!

I know one thing.

I'm ready. And I'm going to go for it like never before.

Life right now.....

2011-05-24T14:39:00.000-07:00

sleep
train
kids
eat
train
eat
work
kids &
husband
eat
sleep
little bit-o-fun mixed in too
repeat................

I'll get a real blog post in here Soon!!!